the comic's comic

Sneak some peeks at Roseanne's Nuts, premiering July 13 on Lifetime

The Internet was abuzz today over a promo ad going on and on about Roseanne's Nuts, which is the name of Roseanne Barr's new reality series coming to Lifetime on July 13, 2011, following her new life as a nut farmer in Hawaii. Related: Read about the initial news of Roseanne's series getting picked up.

But you can actually take a peek at some full scenes from the series already. First, here's the official 30-second preview.

 

Two more extended two-minute clips after the jump...

Roseanne Barr weighs in on Charlie Sheen and Chuck Lorre

Roseanne Barr worked with, and fought with, Chuck Lorre decades ago on her own sitcom, Roseanne, and early this morning, she hacked into her own computer to weigh in on Charlie Sheen's mania.

What she wrote:

me

cybil s.

brett butler

charlie sheen

( stars who lost big when working with Chuck)

 

  I was going to guest on 2 and a half men once, but when i got the script, it was putrid, so they got cam manheim to do it.

Chuck got pissed off at me for refusing to be part of his brilliance, and insulted me in the nyt, saying that I "beat the wit out of him."  Then, right after he did that, he asked me to make a videotaped presentation honoring him at a vanity dinner.  I never really worked with him, as he was mostly drunk when he was on my show, and too busy making deals with my producers for shows that copied mine (grace under fire, and Cybil's show that copied AB FAB, which I once owned, and therefore sunk my hopes of producing) to turn in too many good scripts. 

   I feel sorry for Charlie Sheen, (and brett and cybil, both of whom were often out in the parking lot screaming at Chuck and crying) who has to not only be the bi-polar wizard Charlie Sheen, but had to toil as a tool for Lorre Enterprises Inc. and the preternaturally large Julie Chen's very old comedically incontinent husband, Les, the power behind cbs, the network of choice for the dentally challenged.

   Worst of all, though, Charlie had to be so degraded as to mouth some of the shittiest dick tit pussy and shit jokes that ever dribbled out of an actor's mouth, rolled down his chin, and stained his shirt, thereby making ingesting knock out drugs a must in order to sleep shamelessly at night, and then snorting nose cavities full of stimulants upon waking to mask the soul decay that stared back at him in the morning mirror. After beating up prostitutes, and testifying against Heidi Fleiss, who supplied them unknowingly for his beating pleasure, Charlie was scouted by Chuck to help bring sexism back to tv and the culture at large, under a little known MKULTRA program designed to control the 'minds' of chronically masturbating males, ages 14-94.

  The level of misogynistic bougie corporate sponsored anti-human beer swilling smug white frat boy humor that has successfully avoided ever even approaching the lowest level of social relevance makes for great entertainment for Tea Partiers as they vote against their own kids' interests.  They need a beacon, a break in their lemming lives that inspires their laughter, and Chuck gives it to them. 

 Gettin' any? har dee har.

That's what she said.  har har har gulp har!

I'd say presented without comment, but she went and followed that up today with another post declaring that Charlie Sheen is in fact winning, and furthermore, that he was aligned with "the 9/11 truther commissions," and that he should join her in a movie about that. Um, what now? Oh, this.

Yikes! I don't think anybody who is following any of this winning in the slightest, and even typing all of this makes me queasy.

Roseanne Barr's dispatches from her Hawaiian nut farm, first a book, now a Lifetime TV series

The Lifetime network liked what it saw of Roseanne Barr's new life and book, and ordered 16 half-hour episodes of an untitled "docu-series" about this new chapter in her life running a 40-acre macadamia and livestock farm on Hawaii's big island. Her series is currently untitled, but will air later in 2011.

Quotes from the press release:

“Roseanne Barr is an undeniable force of nature and the idea of following her in this unique premise excited us from the get-go,” said Lifetime's Nancy Dubuc. “Roseanne is funny and brutally-honest, and our audience will relate to her decision to go on this adventure and create an entirely new life for herself. We are thrilled she will make her long-awaited return to television on Lifetime.”

Roseanne added: “I’m coming back down to earth, and keeping it real. They’ve said ‘Roseanne’s nuts’ for years, and now I’m going to make that a reality – I’m all about nuts now, macadamia nuts!”

The untitled Roseanne Barr series is produced by 3 Ball Productions/Eyeworks USA and Full Moon & High Tide Productions, with Roseanne Barr, JD Roth, Todd A. Nelson, Brant Pinvidic, and Steven Greener on board as executive producers, and  Jake Pentland as producer.

 

Which Super Bowl ad surprised you more: Joan Rivers as Go Daddy girl, or Roseanne getting Snickered?

Two of the more surprising Super Bowl commercials this year involved comedians. Make that comediennes, as in Joan Rivers and Roseanne.

Yes, Richard Lewis also was in that Snickers commercial, but he didn't have do any of the heavy lifting, or in this case, pratfalling. And I'm sure plenty of people were rubbing their eyes trying to make that image of Joan Rivers as Go Daddy girl disappear. But there are some things you cannot unsee.

Which one of these surprises, though, surprised you more?

Joan Rivers unveils her Go Daddy knock-out body:

 

Or Snickers knocking out Roseanne:

 

Roseanne Barr wrote another book, talking about it. Facts may vary.

With all of the hype about "Snooki"'s new book, you may not have noticed that comedian Roseanne Barr's third book also is on sale this week (sorry, Patton Oswalt, but you're too smart for TV promos this week, apparently).

And Roseanne has been doing press to promote her new tome, "Roseannearchy: Dispatches from the Nut Farm." She was on Good Morning America this morning, and did a separate interview airing tonight for Nightline (you have your hit sitcom on ABC, and ABC still gets the spoils). She also answered questions for USA Today. Interestingly, the reality of Roseanne's life is different depending upon who's asking the questions. For USA Today, Roseanne lives in California, has gained and lost 14,000 pounds, and had 50,000 Facebook friends (which isn't actually a thing you can have on Facebook). For ABC, Roseanne is in "self-imposed exile in Hawaii" and has lost and gained 16,000 pounds. Only a ton of difference there.

While you sort that out, you can see and hear Roseanne get mad at Sarah Palin for ripping off her "domestic goddess" persona for evil.

 

And here she was this morning on GMA.

 

Want to buy her book?

Some comedy feuds should stay away from the Internets (Roseanne vs. Tom Arnold)

I don't know why Roseanne and Tom Arnold feel the need to yell at each other on the Internets, or in their shows, because we're not laughing. Or is it because you two get roasted about this at every opportunity that you feel you must subject the rest of us to it? Roseanne went online on Friday, and Tom Arnold responded on Sunday. Either way, stop. Please stop. Thank you.

The 50 funniest jokes of the past year?

Sunday's New York Post ran a top 50 jokes of the past year list that's sure to generate reader debate and discussion, much like these lists always set out to accomplish in the first place. And if you read the list closely, you can already see that it's not necessarily the best or top 50 jokes overall, but merely the favorite jokes from a select group of comedians, accompanied by those comedians listing their favorite jokes from other stand-ups. An odd list to say the least. Few got me literally laughing out loud. I did enjoy the bits picked from John Oliver, Liam McEneaney, Carolyn Castiglia, Marc Maron and Dave Attell.

But the first joke on the list stopped me in my tracks, because I knew I'd heard it before, and not from Roseanne, although she's given credit for it in the publication. Here's the joke in question:

A doctor tells a guy: "I have bad news. You have Alzheimer's, and you have cancer." Guy says, "Thank God I don't have cancer."

Now I know I've heard Gilbert Gottfried tell this joke live onstage last year. And it's on his CD/DVD, Dirty Jokes (though that doesn't mean it was his, since that set is a collection of his old favorites, including stock material, right?). Roseanne wrote it down on her blog last December, without attribution other than titling the post, "Great Joke." Wild Willy Parsons also lists it on his joke page. No matter who said it first, it's certainly not a new joke. I wonder, though, who should get credit for it? The way the Internet works, Roseanne already has gotten cited on many online sites that link to this article. The way the world works, you'd expect Gottfried to get the credit since he recorded it first. Or did he? Who said this joke first? Who wrote it? Do you know? Where did you hear it first?

Shoot the Messenger, with Roseanne, Mo Rocca

The Ace of Clubs basement got packed more than I'd ever seen it Monday night for Lizz Winstead's weekly Shoot the Messenger show, which has only gotten stronger as a morning-show parody since the last time I saw it. And it's also got a Web site now (thanks to Todd Jackson from Dead-Frog), so you can get a glimpse of what you're missing.

Anyhow. Monday night's guests were Roseanne Barr and Mo Rocca. Roseanne (who also shared the stage Tuesday with Rosie O'Donnell at her NYCF Avery Fisher Hall show), took part in two interviews: one fake, and one very real. Roseanne had a lot of things to say about the current White House administration, none of them favorable and few of them printable here. But she pointed out that even being able to speak her mind shows we're still a free country. "As they get loudmouthed women to shut up, it's all over," she said.

Roseanne on Ann Coulter: "She talks for the people she talks for absolutely and perfectly, but she baits people." Especially the liberal white men who hate her, Roseanne said.

Mo Rocca, on tonight's political comedy panel at the 92nd Street Y for the NYCF, previewed his special "Liz Taylor marriage electoral rosetta stone," in which you can view American history through her romantic entanglements. "If Liz is ready to date a black man then America is ready to elect one," Rocca said. He also said the 2008 presidential campaign has been boring so far. "It's essentially a defensive campaign because everybody's worried about saying the wrong thing," he said. And as for voters? "It's like we're victims of spousal abuse," he said. "We don't trust them because we know they're going to screw around with us and f--- Iran."