the comic's comic

SNL #36.3 RECAP: Host Jane Lynch, musical guest Bruno Mars

Some people like to analyze Saturday Night Live so much that they forget that, for casual viewers young and old, it's just an entertaining way to wrap up a Saturday night at home in front of the television. They don't assign points to cast members. They certainly don't hit the pause button to take notes. They just sit back and laugh. Or not laugh.

Even in their own casual viewing experience, audience members at home are still critics, doing so by turning off the TV after Weekend Update, or turning to the friends and/or loved ones around them to say, "Oh, Gilly again?" or even by tuning out by having the show on in the background as their house party becomes more interesting than what's on the TV. Increasingly now there's even another subset of audience members for SNL who don't even watch the show on TV on Saturday, but rather log onto their computers on Sunday (or Monday) to seek out individual sketches online based on what they've read and heard their friends talk about, or just based on what gets their attention from a screencap and a headline.

I've been trying to think about all of these people, because I'm them. I am you. And I'm not just saying that to, in my own way, parody Christine O'Donnell's campaign ad. Although that works, too! No, no, I say it because I remember how I watched SNL as a kid, alone in my bedroom; as a college student, on the big screen with a couple of dozen friends in a common room; in an acquaintance's apartment during a Christmas party, avoiding small-talk by noticing Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg sing about their gifts in boxes, on a TV next to the acquaintance's Christmas tree; or at home last night, reclining on my sofa, while looking at the Twitter feed on my iPhone. Of course, none of these few hundred words tell you anything about what happened in the third episode of the thirty-sixth season of SNL. So let's get to recapping, shall we?

 

The soothing sound of Higbone's voice assures me that the cold open is not going to open cold on some dumb political message of the day. Oh, no. We open with a parody of attorney Gloria Allred, as played by Nasim Pedrad, taking potshots at herself by trying to defend her career as an attention-seeking attorney who defends people who are themselves attention-seekers. I've seen, we've all seen enough of Allred herself on the TV, but I don't think she's one of those people that really registers with people, not enough for us to go, oh her again. Which is to say, I didn't feel like looking up YouTube video of the real Allred to see if Pedrad nailed the impersonation. Not important to me. I just enjoyed seeing Pedrad take the piss out of Allred, and that it wasn't a dumb political cold open that already sent viewers looking for the remote control.

 

And now for our host, Jane Lynch! Lynch does look excited to be here, hosting SNL. You probably know her from her Emmy-winning turn as Sue Sylvester in Glee. She's the one who doesn't sing on Glee. So right off the bat, you know we're going to get to hear Lynch sing on SNL. In fact, we're going to get to hear Lynch sing multiple times on tonight's episode, and curiously, multiple times it's singing theme songs for things that don't have theme songs. Such as, well, Glee. Take it away, Jane! She gets spoken-word and guitar help from Fred Armisen. Jason Sudeikis shows up in a short permafro to fake the trumpet, which must make the real trumpeter in the background not so gleeful. Meanwhile, I'm curious who is playing her background dancers. I won't tell you which one is my favorite. But I definitely have one.

 

We go straight to our first videotaped ad spoof. It's a filter for when your mom becomes your Facebook friend. I get it. You get it. Even my mom probably gets it. And she's on Facebook. Or she was on Facebook. I don't think she's still on Facebook. That's how much my mom got this joke. Which is weird, mostly because I feel like this joke could have been done a season or two ago, but with the Facebook movie out this past weekend, maybe it's just the right time for this joke. Then again, SNL did do a mom-translating-technology sketch a season or two ago (Season 34, Episode 22: "Mom Translator"). Meanwhile, for you SNL trivia fans, in this sketch, Jane Lynch plays Andy Samberg's mom, and he isn't happy about it. Coming up in just a bit, she'll play his mom, and he's over the moon about it. She'll also play his maternal therapist in a dream sketch, which just weirds him out again. These two: Get a room! Am I right? No? I'm not right? Samberg does seem to be Lynch's favorite tonight. You just go ahead and try to prove me wrong. Bill Hader and Taran Killam get speaking roles in this ad spoof, too, you know!

SNL #36.2 RECAP: Host Bryan Cranston, musical guest Kanye West

Somewhere in New York City this afternoon, Seth Meyers and other cast members from Saturday Night Live are explaining themselves (again) as part of the New Yorker Festival. I feel like they've done this before, and not just because they have. They have.

Somehow I doubt they'll explain what happened last night. Although that'd be fun to hear them Sunday-afternoon quarterback their show. Almost as much fun as reading whatever I have to say right here, right now? No. Nothing could be that much fun. Especially now that everyone has convinced me how fun it is to assign points and power rankings. Oooh, boy. It's about to get mathematic up in this site! Let's get statistical...

Unfortunately, we're starting in negative territory with -40 points taken away from whomever decided Rahm Emanuel's departure from the White House Chief of Staff's job to run for mayor of Chicago was what everyone needed to see up top. Fred Armisen earns 3 points, one for each season he has tried to convince us that he can impersonate Barack Obama. Meanwhile, Fred lost 72 points, one for each second he was onscreen, distracting people by making viewers question why he's still Obama. Andy Samberg, as Emanuel, gets 10 points for getting to say "Live from New York, it's Saturday night!" Andy lost 1 point for making me focus on his jaw line. The whole sketch lost another 100 points for failing to have what's known in the business as jokes, but gained 200 points for inevitably getting this sketch talked about on all of the Sunday morning TV political shows -- which is, as far as I can tell, the only reason this sketch is on at all. Don't worry, Bobby Moynihan, we see you as Pete Rouse, all scared with the facial expressions as Emanuel's successor, which earned you 50 points.

Am I really doing this for every sketch? But first, the opening titles, since I didn't touch on them last week. Is it just me, or does it sound differently with 92-year-old Don Pardo recording the intros beforehand? And was it just me, or did anyone else notice that they introduced the featured players out of alphabetical order in the season premiere? Alrighty then. Let's go to the monologue!

Host Bryan Cranston shows off pics of him in his tighty-whitey underwears, then, before my friend in comedy journalism Dave Itzkoff can pick up his 100 bonus points for suggesting a Gilbert & Sullivan parody due to Aaron Sorkin's Facebook movie, we learn once again that 30 Rock is not Studio 60, and Rockefeller Center is not the Sunset Strip. We do, however, get a musical tribute. Raise your hands if you recognize the words and melody from Citizen Kane! OK, now put your hands in the air if you thought this came from The Simpsons! We're awarding 2 points each to Bill Hader, Kenan Thompson, Moynihan and Taran Killam for wearing the candy stripes, plus another 2 points for "singing" and "dancing" behind Cranston. Nasim Pedrad and Abby Elliott get 1 point apiece for all-too-brief candy-stripe cameos.

This point-scoring already is making me weary.

Fake Ad!

OK. So I get that Nasim Pedrad is supposed to look like a woman who goes clubbing, and perhaps even with a hint of Jersey Shore, so of course, those people are diarrhea in human form already. Give Killam and Andy Samberg points for appearing in the ad, too. But there's something missing from this "Pepto-Bismol Ice" spoof. Is it the lack of anyone "icing" Pedrad or Samberg on the dance floor? Or have we become so numb to the idea that human garbage produces human diarrhea that there's nothing in this to produce outrage in the form of laughter? Do not discuss. Just move on.

Because moving on, we find a great sketch out of a premise that did not portend greatness. Behold: "The Miley Cyrus Show."

Newcomer Vanessa Bayer has an infectious smile, and she manages to hold our attention portraying someone who should not hold our attention (and yet Cyrus herself did do that for a while, didn't she?), and pulls it off smoothly. Cranston does a serviceable job as papa Billy Ray Cyrus. But how amazingly awesome was it to see a sketch held together completely by SNL rookies! Paul Brittain disappeared into the role of Johnny Depp, and even though he played it straight, he played it great. We also saw Samberg stuck in a bad movie with Cyrus, and Moynihan as Billy Ray's drummer. Points awarded: 300 for Bayer! 250 for Brittain! 1 each for Moynihan and Samberg.

Oh, man. If you didn't FF through the commercials, you saw a quick shot of "What Up With That" being set up, and an old man helped up to the stage. The suspense! Also, those animated bumpers?!?

SNL #36.1 RECAP: Host Amy Poehler, musical guest Katy Perry, and many cameos from SNLs past

Thirty-six seasons, and despite any number of people who say "Saturday Night Live hasn't been funny since _____ ______ left the show," the show goes on and on and continues to be an iconic television program that not only generates talk in offices and schools the following Monday, but also continues to contribute to the national discussion on political and social issues.

I'm not sure anyone knew quite what to expect for the start of SNL's 36th season, considering its four new hires constituted the biggest addition to the cast since 2001, as well as what effect the departures (planned or unplanned) of veteran wild card Will Forte and newcomer Jenny Slate might have on the show's pre-existing recurring sketches. Perhaps knowing all of this -- as well as the lackluster starts offered in seasons 34 and 35 by world-famous but not necessarily funny hosts Michael Phelps and Megan Fox, respectively -- Lorne Michaels turned to a trusted former star of SNL in Amy Poehler to host the premiere. Of course, as we quickly learned, Michaels looked to ensure the premiere was even more of a sure thing by inviting back several of SNL's other recent bright stars for cameos both brief and extended. So. Let's get to recapping!

The cold open is a dish best served not political, at least on my comedy plate, because in the past few years, the sketch has not been able to surpass the surreal reality of the current political situation. Such was the case with this look inside the Republican National Committee headquarters for a sit-down meeting with Delaware GOP U.S. Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell. We have so much recorded quotes of O'Donnell already to speak to her craziness (and visuals to show how she even at times has modeled herself directly as a Sarah Palin lookalike (!)), so much so that even casting Kristen Wiig as O'Donnell cannot heighten this. In fact, Wiig's mugging detracts from the satire here. But. Fun fact: We get our first glimpse of newbie Vanessa Bayer, who utters a line to introduce O'Donnell. Jason Sudeikis and Bill Hader play the hapless GOP party-line guys.

Now for the monologue. Amy Poehler introduces all four of the new kids to the SNL block, then has a dream sequence in which Nasim Pedrad takes over one of her characters, Justin Timberlake kisses her, Rachel Dratch comes back only to get carried away -- "Avenge me! Avenge me!" -- and Tina Fey and Jimmy Fallon take back Weekend Update, and Kenan Thompson plays Lorne Michaels with a nod to Inception. It's all for show, and for anyone who thinks it's too much of a gimmick, just remember that the season premiere is a big to-do each year, so why not go big!

Before we can get to the new kids, however, we're treated to more old-school SNL -- viewers of the Betty White and the all-star SNL women episode this spring will remember that putting on "greatest-hits" sketches generally leads to a well-liked evening -- so Maya Rudolph rejoined Poehler for another round of Bronx Beat. Of course, this time around, the focus is on musical guest Katy Perry and her "controversy" because she showed her cleavage in a Sesame Street video with Elmo. When is Katy Perry not showing cleavage? Wait, wait, don't tell me. I don't want to know. Poehler gets a good line guessing that Perry's bra size is 3D. Notice how Perry bounces up and down in her seat. Oh, wait. You probably already noticed that.

Time for our first fake ad of the season...

SNL #35.22 Season finale with Alec Baldwin, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

If I were to tell you that Saturday Night Live closed out its 35th season with a perfectly enjoyable episode, would you believe me? Of course you would. I'm very convincing. If I were to tell you that SNL's 35th season finale also produced little that'll show up years later on a "greatest hits" video, then, well, you'd probably believe that, too. After a 34th season that tapped into the American zeitgeist and brought the show back into the front and center of even the most casual viewer's minds, this season felt wildly inconsistent -- but leave it to Alec Baldwin, hosting for a record-tying 15th time, to bring it all home in timely fashion. Everybody got a chance to shine. Nobody dropped the ball nor did they even choose to announce their farewells. Just on with the show.

Let's begin with that cold open, shall we? SNL poked fun at the oil executives who cannot either accept the blame for BP's tragic oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, nor can they figure out how to stop it. All in under three minutes!?!? Short and to the point, with Bill Hader, Fred Armisen and Jason Sudeikis as the oil executives talking about their outrageously idiotic ideas for stopping the spill. Club soda gets everything out, right?

Then Baldwin came out for his monologue, and mentioning tying Steve Martin with his 15th hosting stint on SNL, you'd think Martin might be there. He has shown up plenty of times before for a cameo. This time, however, he's stuck on video. Considering Baldwin just delivered the commencement address to NYU students, why not also help this cast graduate for the summer? Let's hear it, "Dr. Alec Balwin, OB-GYN." Baldwin also referenced last week's Betty White episode, as well as a tacit acknowledgement of the difficulty of being a celebrity as well as the joys of finding success in a sitcom. Here's looking at you...

And we're right into the SNL Digital Short. No ads yet. Instead it's Andy Samberg with a song-and-dance routine that's as easy to figure out as the powdered mustache on his face. He's all coked up! Really. That's it. That's the whole premise. If you're looking for a plot twist, well, keep on looking. Or do some blow (don't do blow, kids or big kids, it's bad for you). The execution still manages some laughs, though.

And still no ads. Instead we're on the set of "Arizona Evenings," so obviously we're going to find a scene that satirizes Arizona's latest attempt to show how it's the least tolerant state in the union. By pushing forward another new wacky character from Kristen Wiig. Obviously. No, wait. What? So this is a TV melodrama, and Baldwin, Samberg, director Kenan Thompson, Bobby Moynihan and others are interrupted by the substitute script supervisor with big front teeth, Starfish (Wiig). Who cannot stop from walking into the shot. And it's only a two-line scene. How and why is her mouth in the shot? How and why is this happening? I'm sure there's a metaphor in here somewhere, and if you're not an avid watcher of SNL, it doesn't feel nearly as hard to swallow this whole.

OK. Now we have a commercial break.

SNL #35.21 Mother's Day all-stars with Betty White, Fey, Poehler, Rudolph, Dratch, Gasteyer, Shannon

Too many of my acquaintances were hyped up about this show before it ever went live, which to me, is always an ominous sign. With a live show such as SNL, you never really know what you're going to get until it happens, no matter how the rehearsals or the table reads go. And from what I had heard earlier in the week, with so many returning regulars guesting this week, my expectation was that we would see essentially a reunion of recurring characters. What would that leave for the actual cast to do, though? And how would 88-year-old Betty White fare as a host, anyhow? Or are we going to be pleased as punch if it was all reunions and putting naughty words in White's mouth? (Foreshadowing) Onto the All-Star RECAP!

We open cold with the Lawrence Welk (Fred Armisen) take on Mother's Day, so many tiny bubbles and a tease to the Jugglettes: Rachel Dratch, Tina Fey and Molly Shannon. Not a reference to the Juggalos so far as I know. OK, audience, cool it. Stop applauding just because you see Betty White alive. Here she's mother to the sister act of Janice (Amy Poehler), Peggy (Maya Rudolph), Clara (Ana Gasteyer) and tiny-handed big-foreheaded Judice (Kristen Wiig), who sing with Will Forte. Look. They got all of the old ladies in the open with one of Wiig's crazy characters and gave White as little as possible to do. Don't get me wrong. It's cute and all. But this is a comedy entertainment show. Let's try to keep some perspective on it? Just showing up does not automatically warrant complete fawning. A little bit of fawning is expected, though. See? Perspective.

White makes it to center stage in a quicker time than either of my grandmothers did when they were 88 (especially since one never made it to that age). "It's great to be here for a number of reasons," White said. She reminds us that in the 1950s, they didn't want to go live, either, but they didn't know how to do it otherwise. She thanks Facebook, before mocking it. And let there be old people jokes. White does a nice aside while joking about poking. "Guess what? Jay-Z is here! If I had a dime for everytime I've said that, I'd have a dime!" Nicely played. Nicely executed.

MacGruber! Ready for the movie? Ready or not, MacGruber is working with his Nana (White) now, who keeps embarrassing him in front of Vicki (Wiig). As in past weeks, SNL has put the night's trilogy of MacGruber bits into one clip, which will roll at your convenience:

An NPR scene brings back "Delicious Dish," a recurring scene hosted by Gasteyer and Shannon -- and best known for their "Schweddy Balls" bit with then-host Alec Baldwin. Tonight they're celebrating dietary fiber. Their guest is Florence Dusty (White), and she is known for her muffin. "I can't wait to taste your muffin." And so on, and so forth. Dusty admits that bakers of her day may have dry, crusty or even yeasty muffins. Just ask her how long it has been since her muffin had a cherry. We dare you. So yes, you'll probably want to see this:

The first ad of the night is the Snickers Super Bowl ad with Betty White, and don't forget Abe Vigoda! The second ad is for the MacGruber movie. The third ad is for beer. The fourth ad is for Sex and the City 2, which you need to drink a lot of beer before deciding that's a good idea. The fifth ad is for an iPhone. The seventh ad is for Betty White's new TV Land sitcom.

SNL #35.20 with Gabourey Sidibe and MGMT, recapped

We open cold with President Obama (Fred Armisen) blabbing away something about financial reform, and yes, I know Obama gave a speech to Wall Street on Thursday, but that doesn't mean we can go a couple of minutes into the show without a single joke or laugh line. Not a one. I started to fall asleep. Granted, I'm working on very little sleep over the weekend, but still. You know how some political comedians say the jokes sometimes write themselves? It's also nice when comedians write something funny, too, just in case the real-life joke isn't so funny.

Gabourey Sidibe is hosting. You know that famous comedic actress? Well, she's young, right? That's all that counts, right? I don't know what counts. She's not going to be one of those sassy young big black women, is she? One thing's for certain. She's not Precious. But she is singing with the SNL cast in the background as part of the doo-wop phase that reminds us how great black people had it in the 1950s. So great. Fun fact: The last time I was in the Pacific time zone and missed SNL when it aired live, January Jones was the host. That turned out great. So great. Lowering expectations now. Even knowing what I know a full day later.

Oh, look, it's the return of SNL's Suze Orman parody, starring Kristen Wiig as Orman, dispensing financial advice on the TV. Sidibe plays a Jamaican nurse guest who wrote a book. Orman has some jokes about her lesbian cat and such, but they're not big laughs, and Sidibe is focused too much on reading her cue cards on the first take. I'll say this: Wiig is good at channeling Orman. This sketch falling somewhat flat is not her fault.

For some reason, that reason most likely being Kenan Thompson developing his Steve Harvey impersonation, we get a spoof of game show Who Wants to be a Millionaire, with guest host Steve Harvey (Kenan Thompson), and contestants played by Abby Elliott, Bobby Moynihan and Sidibe. Bill Hader provides the voiceover. They also use this sketch as an excuse for Harvey to stumble over the pronunciation of Iceland's volcano and cities. There's a throwaway line at the end suggesting Larry the Cable Guy would guest host Wheel of Fortune. So, that means this sketch is suggesting that comedians should not be game show hosts? If that's the underlying message, then why, SNL, why?

We're on a stoop with Armisen and Thompson, being told to quiet down by an old lady (Sidibe), old Mrs. Johnson. Sidibe is messing up her lines again. And yet, you see, the point is she's not an old crazy lady, but an old lady who knows a lot about a lot of the things she is yelling.

SNL Digital Short: Cherry Battle. Does it make sense? Should it? Is it referencing something none of us know? Is it a technical marvel to show Samberg and Sidibe spitting several cherries from one mouth to the other? That last question is a surefire yes. Weird, but proudly so.

SNL #35.19 with Ryan Phillipe, Ke$ha

Don't know about you, but I entered this week's episode very conflicted. We have your host, Ryan Phillipe, who co-stars as the non-SNL lead with Will Forte and Kristen Wiig in the film adaptation of their SNL sketch, MacGruber, so more sketches for Forte and Wiig this week. Presumably a good thing. But when have we ever thought of Phillipe as funny? He'd have to prove himself. And then there's Ke$ha, who has a song that sticks in your head, but is wholly manufactured and could have been produced by anyone else. So what were we in store for? Probably a mixed bag. Let's recap!

The cold open is not political (yay!) and featured Larry King (Fred Armisen), in the news this week for his eighth divorce. But as I realized tonight, how many people in the SNL audience (live or at home) even realize who King is, that he is on CNN nightly, and that his looks and fundamental lack of understanding of the people he's interviewing is what makes him funny? I am old. We are old. That said, if you're talking 34-and-up demos, this was a great way to work in King's travails, the Iceland volcano, courtesy of Bjork (Wiig), and the impacts on air travel with Virgin Airlines honcho Richard Branson (Bill Hader). Bjork didn't quite generate enough laughs, nor did King's mispronunciation of Lady Gaga as Lady GooGoo. The audience did respond to Hader's Branson, though. And they knew enough not to drag it out, although it still felt long. Weird, right?

Phillipe's monologue was almost perfect. The promotional start was, well, necessary, but nice way to tie MacGruber in with other SNL recurring characters wondering when they'd get their own movies; among them: Target Lady (Wiig), Andy Samberg's early 1990s hip-hopper from "Dick in a Box," and Kenan Thompson's host from "What Up With That?" When he broke into song, you hoped he'd break out the whole sketch, and though Thompson did get in two digs on MacGruber, and Jason Sudeikis danced a little bit (sort of), and Armisen fake-played the sax, they didn't really go for it. Which made it feel a little incomplete. Better, funnier to take over the monologue and make Phillipe work to throw it to the fake commercial.

Which was a repeat fake ad for Broadview Security, in which everyone wants to attack a woman (Nasim Pedrad) in her home.

And then another edition of ESPN Classic's Twinkle and Stink, this time from the Today Sponge Women's Weightlifting Championships of 1986. As always, it's really inconsequential who is competing -- in this case, Sue Ferrigno (Wiig) and Olivia Newton Cougar Mellencamp (Phillipe) -- because it's about the broadcast interplay between the mustachioed duo of Pete Twinkle (Sudeikis) and Greg Stink (Forte). I haven't crunched the numbers on this, but it feels like we're seeing them as often as we used to see Will Ferrell and Cheri Oteri as the cheerleaders from a decade ago. And, just as in every other one of these sketches, the jokes come from Sudeikis coming up with slogans for the lady product and Forte not knowing how to answer questions. Is there a formula within 30 Rock that determines precisely how many weeks can go before recurring this sketch effectively? I mean, I usually enjoy it. So it must be working. This formula.

Finallly. Some actual ads. And then...

SNL #35.18 with Tina Fey, Justin Bieber

If you're lucky, every once in a while, you get to experience one of your favorite TV shows as an audience member, from inside the belly of the beast -- or if you're talking about last night's SNL, inside the belly of the Bieber. Now. I was teased for using that phrase on Twitter last night, but when it turns out that my wordplay is nowhere nearly as creepy as how SNL itself turned out, well, jeepers creepers Biebers, I'm fairly sure all of the tween girls who tuned in were shocked and amazed by all of the aggressively sexual material. Not that it wasn't all funny. Much of it was. Just thinking maybe it was a bit more mature than its audience. Heck. Maybe not. Kids these days, right? I don't know.

But I can tell you that as an audience member at the dress rehearsal, they made some great decisions about where to trim, and what to cut entirely for the live show. If only you could have seen the other ad spoof they had ready...not going to say anything more lest they decide to air it next week (or during the Betty White episode). Recap, shall we?

Considering what a poor track record the show has had recently with its political cold opens, this one with President Obama (Fred Armisen) leading viewers through the Census form was surprisingly good. And, ahem, aggressively sexual. A question asking if you fantasize about sex with individuals living in your house -- as in incest, in every case except for the foreign exchange student? There's also the first of multiple jokes about Obama's health-care reform, and some fun with stereotypes and getting you to reveal things that should be left confidential. At this point, it's not even worth debating Armisen's Obama. It has become, like SNL's original presidential caricatures, something that doesn't bother worrying about precision.

OK, so Tina Fey walks out for her monologue, and immediately I recall a recent interview in which Fey described how she knows what dresses work for and which do not, and this dress is designed to show off as much cleavage as possible without getting an FCC fine. I mean. Just. What? Anyhow. The audience already seems less of a teen scream crowd than the dress rehearsal crowd. Good nanny joke. Will Forte as a creepy personal trainer. Fun fact: In dress, Fey had Andy Samberg playing her husband. At air, she had Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez. Upgrade! At both dress and air, she also had Steve Martin playing her tax lawyer. An early Justin Bieber appearance, and Kenan Thompson as Chaka Khan. All that, plus a tease that she'll play Sarah Palin later in the show. (Guessing that the Chaka Khan song is what's holding this off of the legal Internet for now)

Brownie Husband is not an actual Duncan Hines product, but let's talk about it. No. Let's not talk about it. Just watch Tina Fey get down and dirty with a giant brownie shaped like a man. Her commitment sells the bit, but if you want to keep track of the types of women Fey plays tonight, and how important sex is thematically to the sketches, this would be a good time to get out your notepads.

No real commercials yet. We need to get to CBS coverage of the Masters golf tournament with Jim Nantz (Jason Sudeikis), Nick Faldo (Bill Hader) and special commentary from slutty Las Vegas model and party gal Ashlyn St. Cloud (Fey), who naturally, has had sex with Tiger Woods. Nice getting Michael Jordan's name into it, as well as making fun of golf as a sport, and golf's own heritage (even though I admittedly love playing golf). They also manage to get their parody of Tiger's new Nike ad within the broader context of the golfing sketch. And a "that's what Tiger said," to boot? I'd have suggested they get in a dig at Faldo, but only actual golfing fans would have gotten that joke.

Ads, ads, ads. Anyone noticing how even the SNL bumpers show Tina Fey in sexy poses and outfits? Just me? No, not just me. Carry on.

SNL #35.17 with Jude Law, Pearl Jam, Julian Casablancas, and Jerry Seinfeld. Really?!?

With all of the talk last week about Betty White anchoring the mother of all Mother's Day editions of Saturday Night Live in May with several former female SNL cast members helping out, it's maybe a good a time as any to talk about the role women play on SNL. Because there are typically so few women in the cast in any year, you'd think that would mean we'd get to see more of them throughout the season. That's not how it tends to work, however. It's almost as if SNL subscribes to a Highlander theory for female cast members: There can be only one. Amy Poehler dominated her final seasons on the show, and when she left, Kristen Wiig soon became seen in multiple scenes with recurring characters. Last night, however, belonged to newcomer Nasim Pedrad. Sign of things to come? Or just a one-off? Something for you to think about, as we get to tonight's recap...

OK. As someone who lives in New York, I've heard more than plenty about newly outed, ahem, Congressman Eric Massa, who left the House because of aggressive tickle fighting? That's a thing? You can get kicked out of Congress for tickling? Well, if it involves your male aides, whom you have live with you, and allegations of sexual harassment, that sounds more serious. Anyhow. I don't think people who live outside of New York and may not be up on the news would need a lot of catching up time -- which is why the cold open's voiceover intro from Bill Hader seemed especially lengthy. You could open with the scene. It's an exit interview. They're going to tell us what happened, anyhow. I can only imagine that the voiceover will become more necessary years from now when this season comes out on DVD and viewers go, oh, what is this about again? Oh, right. This guy. Bobby Moynihan plays Massa, getting debriefed, as it were by Wiig's Congressional bureaucrat. With nothing to hide, Massa happily recounts his 50th birthday party, with tickling by and with aides played by Andy Samberg, Jason Sudeikis, Bill Hader and Will Forte. And, yeah, "snorkeling." Yes. That's right. We get an act-out of oral sex to open the show, followed by footage of a sailor rubbing his crotch. This beats last week's funny-free political opening, but when you have such a gimme with the real-life material, how could it not be? Wait a second. This looks like the "dress rehearsal" version -- in which the opening voiceover appears in an on-screen crawl. Makes more sense? Also: Moynihan's mic did drop out for a couple of seconds in the "live" version. So yes. Makes more sense.

Jude Law is our host again, and quickly reminds us of the last time he hosted, with musical guest Ashlee Simpson and a lip-sync joke. Then he references his starring turn on Broadway playing Hamlet, by boiling down the Shakespearean classic into a quick version -- essentially making sure nobody should bother paying to go see the full version. Though he gets in a gag on Jeremy Piven. And a jab about cell phones going off during Hamlet's "to be or not to be" soliloquy. He tells us he's on Twitter during his time offstage? Hmmm.

Our first of a couple of parody ads. Kenan Thompson and Abby Elliott climb into a Toyota Prius. Which immediately speeds out of control. "Did you step on the brakes?" It's...a Ford ad. This felt obligatory.

During the break, two observations. Wow: Comedy Central is putting a ton of money and energy into promoting its new animated series, Ugly Americans. I hope it's good. Also, right before SNL came on my TV, Mercedes aired an ad voiced over by Jon Hamm. Yes. It sounded exactly like Don Draper making an ad campaign pitch to Mercedes. It was so meta, my face melted. What do we think of that? I'll take your answers offline.

SNL #35.16 with Zach Galifianakis, Vampire Weekend

I know my hopes were up, your hopes were up, comedy nerds everywhere held their collective breaths last night to see what would happen when Zach Galifianakis hosted SNL. It wasn't his first time hanging out there -- he'd been there as a writer for a fleeting moment many years ago -- and there was a sense on many people's parts (his included) that his sense of humor was, to borrow a phrase from the show's early years, too "wild and crazy" for the show. And yet. There he was. So let us recap.

Last night, I gave a first impression during the show that everything that included Galifianakis was amazing and awesome, and that all of the "skitches" without him were not quite so much. So how about that cold open? The C-SPAN presidential address from Barack Obama (Fred Armisen) on health-care reform, and repeating the mistakes of the Clintons, with Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (Kristen Wiig) and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (Will Forte) was so cold, you could hear the studio creaking when Armisen paused for what he had been told would be laughter. Watching the actual health-care debate might actually be funnier than this. Nope.

Alas, once the credits rolled, we got our first glimpse of Galifianakis. From the first words: "Stop clapping!" To his thanks for "being back hosting Saturday Night Live again," to the rapid-fire jokes. Yes. If you're a big fan, you may have heard one or two of these lines before. But have you ever seen him say any of this on live network television? No. No you hadn't. I could tell he was even a little bit nervous about it all, but damn did he pull it off. Loved, loved how he turned the audience immediately by saying how he lives in Brooklyn, but hates it, and without saying Williamsburg, accurately described the skinny hipsters and mocked them with his subway calls. "Hey, everybody, here comes the choo-choo!" The way he does this, and then announces he will "go to the piano and talk about myself," followed by "I don't really know what I'm doing here." It's just so great. Even greater is how he sells some of his more dangerous punchlines by looking up from the piano and staring directly into the camera. Then barking at the SNL house band. And the Hoobastank line. It was one of those times you could watch SNL and the Live part really came alive.

SNL #35.15 with Jennifer Lopez

NBC sports reporter Mary Carillo filed a report Saturday night during Winter Olympics coverage that purported to talk up the Canadian heritage in comedy, but ended up falling short of whatever mark it was aiming for -- what was it aiming for, anyhow? Carillo went all the way to 30 Rock to talk to Lorne Michaels, after all, and also apparently all the way to Montreal to cover Just For Laughs, although just for B-roll and a couple of minutes of interviews with Martin Short and Caroline Rhea? Hmmm. Carillo put more effort into her puff piece on trying to be a Mountie than she did for this slam-dunk assignment. At least it gave Bob Costas two chances to remind viewers that SNL was on tonight with a fresh episode. Well, a new episode. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Let's hope instead that the SNL team wasn't too distracted by the Olympics themselves...

Quincy Jones (Kenan Thompson) opened this episode, introducing the all-star song "We Are The World 3" to address the disaster which is and was the 2010 remake of "We Are The World," which featured "randos" such as Nipsy Hustle. Nice reference! Jennifer Lopez herself opened the song as Rihanna (or some variation of her), Kristen Wiig showed off her singing chops as Gwen Stefani, and a collection of characters soon followed. I have to say, seeing the dazed and confused look on Bobby Moynihan's face in the chorus scenes was Precious! Nasim Pedrad played hot crazy Shakira, Bill Hader used a Joker-like perma-grin to utter Eddie Vedder, Will Forte as Willie Nelson, Jason Sudeikis as Adam Lambert (?), with Jenny Slate as Lady Gaga, Abby Elliott as Melissa Etheridge, and Moynihan played David Crosby. There weren't a lot of jokes, however, in the song, save for a nice play on the observation that Fonzworth Bentley was in the chorus -- lettting J.Lo confirm he was the "Umbrella" man for Sean Combs (when she was dating him?!). Oh, Andy Samberg was there as Josh Groban, with Fred Armisen as Carlos Santana, to apologize for being in the remake. Yep. Still lacking in real funny punchlines. Which could portend awful things ahead. Until. They cut back to Kenan/Quincy to say "Hmmm. Well, that was pretty bad, too." Good cover!

Jennifer Lopez looks hot, and in her monologue, she talks about how much she has grown up -- married with kids -- since the last time she hosted SNL. Thompson shows up in the audience as Dante, the guy in her former entourage who used to hold her orange juice, and cannot get a new job because of his past job experience. "You can't live in the past," Lopez says. But her drag queens (played by Hader and Sudeikis) begged to differ. But. Butt! Did you see her turn her back on us at the end to show us her back end? She's putting on the hard sell tonight, if you know what I mean. You know what I mean.

They found a quick way into the almost-obligatory Olympic curling sketch by going back in time to 1987 so they could have their "ESPN Classic" broadcast team of Pete Twinkle and Greg Stink (Sudeikis and Forte) cover the Ladies World Cup of Curling from the Tacoma Dome, sponsored by Gyne-Lotrimin. As with previous installments of this sketch, the lady athletes (such as Finland's Helga Birkenstock (Wiig) and Paraguay's Maria Shakira Prinze Jr. (Lopez)) were secondary to the broadcast patter between Sudeikis and Forte and their sponsorship mentions. As were the actual rules of curling. Elliott, Pedrad and Slate held the brushes for their skips. I'll be so pleased when one of these feminine hygiene products decides to embrace Sudeikis' Twinkle taglines into an actual commercial, just for the sheer audacity of it. Until then...

An SNL Digital Short on Flags of the World. I guess this could be inspired by the Olympics, but you can file this in the random pile. Oh, and of course you saw the "We Love Betty White Flag," right? It's before the random "Moz Flag" and the jab at John Mayer by calling his flag the "Jag Flag."

SNL #35.14 with Ashton Kutcher, Them Crooked Vultures

If Ashton Kutcher hosts SNL one more time, then the "Five-Timers Club" will need to be abolished and replaced with the "Ten-Timers Club," because, really?!? Who let the dogs out and made Lorne Michaels chase them down the street, thereby letting Kutcher inside 30 Rock on four separate occasions to host?

Twas a night of oddities, and some of the oddest involved Kutcher in a bad way, and some of the best odd moments didn't involve Kutcher at all. Ready for my recap?

The cold open went with FOX News scare tactics as a premise, and I don't know how many times I have to remind you that when SNL goes political, it's usually more about getting their message across than landing any jokes. Oh. I guess I did have to remind you one more time, then. Kristen Wiig played Greta Van Susteren in Greta's post-Botox era, Bobby Moynihan played Karl Rove for laughs (watch out for the cracks in his forehead, though!), and which audience member thought it'd be a good idea to inject additional politics by clapping at the mention of "Don't ask, don't tell"? Will Forte as Col. Oliver North and Bill Hader as Obama press secretary Robert Gibbs were there, as was Abby Elliott as "Attractive Blond Lady," who was funny because it's true about FOX News, with their cast of hot ladies who are on TV because they're hot ladies willing to agree with FOX News to be on TV. But this was all just a set up to Jason Sudeikis choking up as Glenn Beck, wasn't it? He promised himself he wouldn't cry, because there's no "i" in crying. Oh, and Rove loving lesbians was a good line. Otherwise. Say it, already, Greta! Say the words. Live from New York!

Our monologue from Kutcher was equally hit and miss. For a miss, I'm going to have to go with everything that came out of Kutcher's mouth. And for a hit, I'll go with every non-sequitur bit happening to the side of the stage, from the dog on a surfboard who almost jumped into the audience, to Superman (Forte) ordering a drink from a Stormtrooper bartender before Mark Twain showed up on a mini-motorcycle, and almost even the kid swinging a bat with Jason Sudeikis, and definitely the old lady dance-off. I'd watch almost all of those as actual sketches instead of Kutcher. You want to leave a comment saying SNL hasn't been funny since 197X, and I'll see your comment and raise you a comment saying why are millions of people following Kutcher on Twitter?

What comes next is a bit of a short switcheroo sketch, as a family gathers to hear the last will and testament of a 110-year-old billionaire matriarch. Hader reads the will, and son Moynihan, grandchildren Jenny Slate and Sudeikis get $200 million, a museum gets $600 million, and for the pool boy "Angel" (Kutcher) who had sex with her for her last decade? Full pool privileges, except during the summer and weekends. Did you see where the switcheroo happened? The most important thing I learned during this sketch is that "Stage 5 Chlamydia" is by far the deadliest of the chlamydias. That, and there are racist STDs, including one that Hader didn't want to say, even though Chevy Chase could say it to Richard Pryor's face on SNL 35 years earlier. Progress?

The title card with Don Pardo saying SNL will return Feb. 27, 2010, with Jennifer Lopez as host and musical guest makes me want to say I told you so, but I would never stoop to something like that. So far, I'm chuckling at a few asides, but not the main themes of any sketches. Hmmm.

SNL #35.13 with Jon Hamm, Michael Buble

Jon Hamm hosted one of the best episodes of the 34th season, so why wouldn't he host one of the best this season? Well, er, um, hmmm. As this week's episode of Saturday Night Live got underway, I found myself thinking we were living the exact opposite of the popular saying that it's not about the destination but about enjoying the journey. Wait. What? WTF? Who is reviewing this show anyhow? Some sort of dingleberry? What's a dingleberry? Let's try doing this like a normal person and not some comedy nerd. I'd try that this week, but this week's SNL offered comedy gold for comedy nerds, so maybe next time when Twittertard Ashton Kutcher hosts we can try reviewing this show for people who don't know what words mean. This week is for the rest of us.

The cold open. Oh, SNL. Why do you insist on writing political sketches that are so inside baseball that even baseball players cannot find the humor in it? There were funny things that everyone agreed happened this week, from Apple's overhyped iPad, to President Obama's showdown with Republican Congress members, but what we got was a version of the State of the Union address that took seven minutes before it got to a single joke. Seriously? Seriously. The vast majority of it was about what? As VP Joe Biden (Sudeikis) and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (Kristen Wiig) looked on and said nothing, Obama (Fred Armisen) ranted against Martha Coakley for losing the special U.S. Senate race to fill the late Ted Kennedy’s Massachusetts seat. Also, for some reason a look back at where he was a year ago, he talked about how the Bushes literally left the White House a mess, with dishes piled up and wrappers left on the ground, and an unpaid cable bill. When they cut to Supreme Court Justice Alito shaking his head, this time, I agreed with his decision. But when they’d lost me, Armisen got me interested minutes later by reading individual job listings. I liked this. Just wish it had gotten here quicker. And the random cut to Brendan Fraser’s Golden Globes yippee-yay clappity clap was a nice surprise. But still. Seven minutes for this? It would have been funny at two minutes. Ominous.

Jon Hamm was back for round two, after a spirited hosting effort last year. That was a dream come true, he said: “So honestly, this time it’s just for the paycheck.” He said people connect him so much with Don Draper, they do not realize he had acting roles for years before this. If they had pulled together real clips, this could have been really funny. Instead, they wrote some fake clips for him. Here’s “Late For Class,” a teen show with Andy Samberg, Abby Elliott, and Hamm as Bonzo, who is more like Don Draper. See where this is headed. Or when he did QVC, with Kristen Wiig selling turquoise, and Hamm as, well as a domestic abuser. “I actually had sex with that woman.” Or Def Comedy Jam, smoking a butt with a glass of scotch in his other hand, in which Hamm’s bit is eerily reminiscent of Martin Lawrence’s SNL monologue from 1994 that got him banned. It's one of SNL's 10 most outrageous moments. Again, I liked the ending, but not how they got there.

The second segment opened at an apartment party in NYC from 1928. Kristen Wiig hosts it as Lydia in a voice I feel I’ve heard before but cannot place. The guests include Elliott, Bill Hader, Will Forte, Fred Armisen and Hamm. There’s a piano. They all want Hamm to play a song. Lydia keeps begging no one in particular not to force her to sing. “You’re making me sing?” Except she really does not hit her cues after willing it to happen, and blaming it on Hamm. Is this an allegory for Jay Leno? I’m stretching. Or am I? Oh, don’t make her dance? If this isn’t an allegory for Leno, then it’s most certainly an allegory for every character Wiig plays on SNL. Tell me I'm wrong.

Now we have an SNL Digital Short – ooh! After seeing Landline TV try to take Samberg on this week, I wondered if SNL would respond, and if so, how. I don't know if you'd consider this a response, but they definitely didn't fall into one of the two major categories Landline had accused them of, and went for the weird. Samberg steps out of a limo in a suit and breaks a sacred talisman, and Armisen’s sidewalk squatter curses him. At a business meeting, Samberg is interrupted by a topless Hamm in a ponytail playing the sax. Sergio! I love it. Samberg on a date with Jenny Slate. Sergio! With his therapist, Jason Sudeikis. Sergio! Samberg tries to reverse the curse. And…well…Wiig and Hader are there, but. SERGIO! FTW. Even funnier was how quickly my friends found a pop culture inspiration for Sergio. From The Lost Boys, even.

SNL #35.12 with Sigourney Weaver, The Ting Tings

After a full week of NBC-bashing by the various late-night TV talk-show hosts, how would the reigning big daddy of late-night TV comedy handle its own mockery? Not quite the way you'd think, or hope, even when it looked like they might just surprise you with something magically great. Not once. Not twice. Three times this happened on last night's Saturday Night Live. Let's go through the motions...

The cold open imagined an edition of CNN's Larry King Live in which King (Fred Armisen) presides over a summit with Jay Leno (Darrell Hammond), Conan O'Brien (Bill Hader) and via satellite, David Letterman (Jason Sudeikis). Starts out with a funny line by Armisen about himself, quickly fizzles when you think, they brought Hammond back tonight for that impression of Leno? "C'mon. We didn't come here to have fun!" Prophetic. The voices are all over the place. And the jokes are, well, aimed at Larry King? Hammond and Hader are known for some great impersonations, but here, it seemed more about the look than the voice. Sudeikis, meanwhile, had a decent look but was reduced to the throwing-pencils shtick. But this sketch really only works if you forget about what's really happening at NBC and focus on making Larry King look silly. Wait. Maybe that was the point? Oh, also a Carson Daly (Will Forte) reference.

Sigourney Weaver was our host this week, and it's her second time. First time was way back in 1986? Which means we get a look back at the 1980s. Weird but sexy. Yep. That was the '80s. Did you know? Fun fact! Weaver's late father not only used to run NBC, but also created The Tonight Show. How do you like them apples? OK. Maybe not an apt metaphor movie catchphrase, but still. Great timing. So Weaver has something funny or profound or profoundly funny to say about her dad and this current kerfuffle, right? Right? Well. Hmmm. Someone hands her a piece of paper reputed to be the letter her dad wrote pitching the show. Not enough payoff there. Another foul ball. Two swings at the NBC mess, two foul balls.

Now what? A great show? Stick around and we'll be right back. But first. It's Grady Wilson (Kenan Thompson) with another instructional video of his personal love-making techniques. The sexy sex moves sketch moves up early this time around. Sometimes it's the name of the sex position that sells it, sometimes it's trying to figure out how Kenan, or how his partner Marta (Weaver) visualizes the title, and a couple of times, how what the two of them are doing is really supposed to look. How long did it take you to figure out The Brandy Snifter? The Lawnmower?

This is quickly followed by another recurring sketch with adult themes. It's the return of ESPN Classic's classic mustachioed broadcasting duo, Pete Twinkle and Greg Stink (Sudeikis and Forte), this time covering the Summer's Eve Lady Stars of Darts Championship. Featuring Darcy Vancouver (Wiig) and Olga "The Wolf Bear" Bogunskaya (Weaver). Everything the lady dart-throwers do is secondary to the pitter-patter of Sudeikis and Forte. Which, come to think of it, carries a similar writing pattern to last week's movie quote quiz sketch with Charles Barkley answering questions the wrong way. With another recurring idea, which is how many funny slogans can Sudeikis deliver for the sponsor, Summer's Eve...douche. (Childhood flashback for "old" people to Eddie Murphy's Brut, by Faberge)

Now we do have a commercial break? Nope.

SNL #35.11 with Sir Charles Barkley, Alicia Keys

Would you like to play a game? And I don't mean global thermonuclear war. I mean, how'd you like to guess a few things that happened last night on Saturday Night Live? Such as...how many SNL writers who aren't part of the on-air cast got to appear either live or superimposed on graphics last night? How many sketches either started or ended not when they should have? Or, better yet, how many people in the Eastern and Central time zones missed a half-hour of the show because they weren't home and depended upon their DVRs and/or TiVos to record it? Heck. Why ask all of those questions. How 'bout them Cowboys? Thank goodness their dismantling of the Eagles took so long, because that, plus the late-night news (in NYC, Darlene Rodriguez wore her J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets green, didn't she?) pushed the start of SNL past midnight. But, oh, if that were the only mishap. It was a mess. Sometimes quite a fun mess, though. Just like Sir Charles Barkley himself, who I previously have seen in the wilds of Arizona nightclubs when I was a newspaper reporter there. Let's get to the recap!

We start with one of our colder cold opens, as Wolf Blitzer (Jason Sudeikis) is in CNN's Situation Room, but that's not even what the sketch is about, so why, really, if only to hear Sudeikis mock Blitzer. I guess that's why. But we cut to a press conference in Yemen with Gen. David Petraeus (Will Forte) and Yemen's president/premier (Fred Armisen) with reporters played by Nasim Pedrad and Bill Hader. Can we just skip ahead to the monologue?

So in the monologue, Sir Charles got real with the audience. Good thing the audience consisted of SNL's writing staff, because I'd much rather hear John Lutz, Jessi Klein and Hannibal Buress interact with Barkley! He also forced Kenan Thompson to do his Barkley impersonation, which got that out of the way and let us know that wouldn't be in an actual sketch. He really made good though, by saying that “some of the show is great,” and “some of the show we’re going to do anyway” but at least Alicia Keys will be great. Man. This guy does speak the truth!

We follow with what appears to be a fake ad with Sudeikis, Kristen Wiig, Pedrad and Abby Elliott (voiced by Hader). It's for Thomas Peepers Insurance. Wait. What's this? It's still rolling? Turns out this isn't one of those fake ads at all, but a lengthy clever short. Or not. Hey. What's going on here?

The game show Reel Quotes could be the best thing ever, the worst thing ever, or perhaps both at the same time. Hosted by Hader (Red Farvey?). Contestants video store owner Barkley, housewife Wiig. Is this bit meta? You see we had a failure to communicate, and then the skit is a failure in communication. “You’re going to need a bigger shark bag” is funny. And you can handle my privates, so long as you ask nicely.

SNL #35.10 with James Franco, Muse and a dancing Mike Tyson

It's the most wonderful time of the year for Saturday Night Live, or so you might think. End of the calendar year. Christmas on the brains. The combination sometimes makes for some comedy magic. I remember a few years ago, attending a friend of a friend's Christmas party, when everyone was socializing in the kitchen, and I ambled into the living room where what did my wandering eyes see next to the Christmas tree but a TV tuned into SNL and Justin Timberlake with Andy Samberg singing what's now an award-winning comedy tune about giving their loves a "Dick in a Box." What do we get this year?

For one thing, we don't open cold on a lackluster political bit. Hooray! No one wants to hear what you think is funny about health-care, anyhow, no matter how nice it was that SNL alum, Sen. Al Franken, shut up Sen. Joe Lieberman on the Senate floor the other day. Instead, it's another episode of "The Lawrence Welk Show," with Fred Armisen as Welk hosting among not-so tiny bubbles. Tank you, tank you, tank you. Is that really a joke about ladies and fingers to open the show? Oh my. James Franco plays some guy named Rico to sing a song, but it's all about the sister act that always switches out all of its sisters, save for Judice (Kristen Wiig, with her big forehead and tiny hands!). Judice? Is that even a thing? I thought her name was Denise? Did the Meryl Sisters switch so many sisters (Amy Poehler, Casey Wilson, Michaela Watkins and Anne Hathaway have been there, done that) that to join Abby Elliott, Jenny Slate and Nasim Pedrad, she needed a new identity? Look into it, comedy nerds! Of all of her wacked-out characters, this might be the easiest of Wiig's to digest on a recurring basis. It's between her and Target lady. Am I right? Look into it, comedy nerds! So much homework for you kids...

James Franco looks like he is so high reading his monologue. Comedy nerds do not need to look into this. Nice of him to make fun of him falling asleep during college classes, his current turn on "General Hospital" and plugging a fake movie. I could use a spinning bin filled with ideas from fans on career advice for me for 2010. Does one of them say: Get paid to make SNL better? Perfect!

Oooh. BET's "What Up With That?" is back for a third time, and this time, in the first half-hour? With guests Mike Tyson, Jack McBrayer and Lindsay Buckingham (Bill Hader). Tonight's version is even more UCB Del Close Marathonesque than usual, because this is exactly the type of comedy event that happens in the chaos of the Del Close Marathon with Jack McBrayer sitting in the middle of it, smiling and wondering what's happening all around him. The addition of the kids dressed up like Kenan Thompson is the nuts! You know what, though? Not enough dancing from Mike Tyson and Jason Sudeikis. You know what could fix that? If NBC put up the dress rehearsal version of this sketch. Done? Done! YAY! As before, Slate and Pedrad are backup singer/dancers, Armisen is not playing the sax, Will Forte is introducing the proceedings. No need for the mid-scene interlude from Wiig and Franco, really. Whatevs. In the dress, John Stockton's (Andy Samberg) drumline also actually knows how to drum. Who knew? Dress rehearsal FTW. Roll the dress rehearsal!

SNL #35.9 with Taylor Lautner, Bon Jovi

Last week was great, wasn't it? Why are you starting like that? Trying to lower our expectations are you? Although, for the second week in a row, Kristen Wiig isn't so much front and center, giving the other ladies a chance to shine. Interesting development, don't you think? Alrighty then...

For our cold open, C-SPAN brings us Gov. Mar Sanford (R-SC) plus former Sen. John Edwards and some other politician from Nevada that I've never heard of, talking about how Tiger Woods and his scandal has overshadowed all of the infidelity these three politicians have engaged in -- which is more serious, as they remind us. Edwards had a love child! He'll say it again! And again! It's one of those political sketches that's as much about making a serious point as it is about getting laughs. Speaking of which: The discussion on A-Rod gets a bonus point.

Taylor Lautner is our host, and as one of my friends on Twitter pointed out, how would the third lead on a sequel to a movie I don't care about do as SNL host? That's right. Not RPattz (that's a person) nor Kristen LipBiter. It's Taylor Lautner , and he sure tried, even more than that other kid did, to show how athletic he is, jumping around and after missing a dropkick on a cardboard cutout of Kanye West, karate-chopped him out of the picture. Kudos for the dedication to athleticism, After all, he's only 17. 17! And the recasting of Kenan Thompson as Reba McIntire deserves some mention. So there that is! As monologues go, this one was tightly wrapped up in a bow. I'd forgotten (as perhaps you had) that Lautner was part of that MTV moment between Swift and West, so this was a nice way to deal with all of that.

We encounter the University of Oregon, taping their Rose Bowl bios, and well, before we can congratulate Thompson on his quick-change to make this sketch, there's a more pressing need, to figure out how Phil Pomeroy (Lautner), the backup to the backup QB, has a role here. Jenny Slate makes her first appearance of several this episode (YAY!). Bill Hader is there to help, presumably. You know how football telecasts have players look into the camera when they announce the starting lineups? Weird, right? That's the premise for this sketch. It has promise. It surely does. Please, don't call me surely. Because then someone might break into song for no reason. Andy Samberg shows up. "It's going to be a long day." Let's hope that's not foreshadowing!

SNL #35.8 with Blake Lively, Rihanna

I had my hopes up this weekend, not because Saturday Night Live featured two of the hottest young talents around (normally, that spells a formula for disaster rather than high comedy), but because, well, I don't know. That's not true. We saw such crazy real-life antics play out over the Thanksgiving break, plus the cast & crew that I know publicly acknowledged anticipating the broadcast, so perhaps they were ready to deliver a winner?

Of course, SNL opened with politics and before you get your panties up in a bunch about Fred Armisen's impersonation of President Barack Obama, know that this cold open wasn't even about him. It was about the Salahis, the D.C.-area White House party crashers who we all know we'll have to deal with on our TVs in 2010 as part of Bravo's "Real Housewives of D.C." SNL's take wisely played out mostly silently behind Obama as he tried to deliver a speech with the couple (Bobby Moynihan and Kristen Wiig, weirdly using some of her mannerisms for Kathie Lee Gifford in her miming to a Secret Service agent) conning the Secret Service (Bill Hader, Will Forte, Nasim Pedrad) and Vice President Joe Biden (Jason Sudeikis) into posing for snapshots. It helps if you focus as little as possible on whatever Armisen's Obama is saying. BTW, they had a couple of live ones in the audience tonight, didn't they? You can hear some big laughers on the microphones. Hot mics!

Now, don't feel bad if you don't know who guest host Blake Lively is because if you're not in her sisterhood of traveling blue jeans, nor watch "Gossip Girl," then you wouldn't know her. But as she walks out for her monologue, you get caught up pretty quickly. She's young, blonde and has a magically gravity-defying chest. Now. OK. The cast appears as the Muppets. Some think this is playing off of a recent new video of the Muppets singing Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody." And while that is brilliant, I'm reminded more of John Denver and the Muppets, who created one of the best Christmas specials ever. Still. Ever! With Andy Samberg as the Swedish chef, Sudeikis as Fozzie Bear, Moynihan as Gonzo, Hader as Animal, Wiig as Beaker, and Jenny Slate as Janice and Fred Armisen as Zoot, they kick off the holiday season with a carol. Maybe won't get circulated as much as the actual Muppet video, but a worthy effort.

They replayed last month's "Carters N Sons BBQ" fake ad that poked fun at a "swine fever" ad campaign. Eh. I'm not usually a fan of when the show repeats fake ads, but I see why they do it sometimes. Swine fever is still timely. Plus, who knows. Maybe they had a new video air during dress rehearsal that didn't quite make the cut, and they needed to sub this in. Why am I making excuses for you kids?!

SNL #35.7 with Joseph Gordon-Levitt, DMB, Al Gore and a Mindy Kaling cameo

And we're back. When you have a show that most everyone agrees is a bit of a bummer, it's good to have another crack at it right away. So let's get to it, SNL! But first. Let's play a game. Here's a sketch from dress rehearsal that didn't make it into the actual broadcast -- watch host Joseph Gordon-Levitt with country music legends Clancy T. Bachleratt (Will Forte) and Jackie Snad (Kristen Wiig), then try to figure out where and when this should've aired instead of something that did. Spaceships, toddler, model T cars and jars of beer! Ready, set, watch!

I would've cut it by a minute and found room for it. How about you?

We open cold with a C-SPAN broadcast from China of President Barack Obama (Fred Armisen) with Chinese President Hu Jintao (Will Forte?!?), and Nasim Pedrad is standing by as the translator. OK, this is weird. Did you know that we owe China $800 billion? Suddenly I feel less worrisome about being in debt myself. This is more funny scary than funny funny. Look at us, we're learning about the world through comedy! Plus, if you thought SNL liked to use gay sex as an easy joke, this at least gave it a bit of a twist. Right? Don't worry. I'm told the show gets much better after this.

And now a word from our host, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who started out in TV comedy as a kid on 3rd Rock From The Sun. I'm not sure why he's hosting now, but you and I might expect he'll be up to the task tonight. He sings "Make 'Em Laugh" for his monologue, and gets a slapstick assist from Bobby Moynihan. He's working hard early for you people! If nothing else, he and the show are out to prove that they mean business this week. Sorry about last week. We're back, people! We'll flip over backward for you.

SNL gets into the parody movie trailer mashup business with Palin 2012. It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine. Palin/Beck 2012!?

SNL #35.6 with January Jones, Black Eyed Peas (VIDEOS)

If you go by what the Internets were saying in real-time overnight, then last night's Saturday Night Live was a stinker. Of course, this all happens the one week I decide go to Los Angeles and don't park myself in front of a television. They know I'll still find out what happens on SNL, right? I'm still not sure exactly what happened when January Jones hosted with musical guest Black Eyed Peas, nor when, but I do know that these videos have shown up on the Internets. And the video evidence tells a slightly different story, unless I find out that these videos are from dress rehearsal, or that the real stinkfest came from the Black Eyed Peas, and not from the show itself. Suspense! While we wait for the truth to set us free, let's take a look at the evidence before us...

We're seeing less and less of Fred Armisen's Barack Obama impersonation, and tonight's show opened with Jason Sudeikis' Joe Biden instead, taking over the White House since President Obama headed to Asia on a diplomatic trip. Biden is supposed to be crazy honest, but was this version crazy honest funny?

January Jones has trouble reading off of her cue cards during her opening monologue. Sudeikis, Armisen and Bill Hadar play superfans of Mad Men called Mad Mennies. It's like that sketch from the 1980s when William Shatner took on the Trekkies, only not so much. Bonus points, though, for having Armisen pick Peggy (played by his real-life newlywed wife, Elisabeth Moss, over Jones' Betty Draper). Do we subtract points, however, for Sudeikis calling Betty Betsy? Oh, double bonus points for Abby Elliott as Joan Holloway (though subtract a point, perhaps, for making us think for a second that Christina Hendricks might've been making that cameo?). Math is hard. TWSS.

What else? Did you say you wanted fart jokes? Fart jokes? We got those...