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SNL #35.14 with Ashton Kutcher, Them Crooked Vultures

If Ashton Kutcher hosts SNL one more time, then the "Five-Timers Club" will need to be abolished and replaced with the "Ten-Timers Club," because, really?!? Who let the dogs out and made Lorne Michaels chase them down the street, thereby letting Kutcher inside 30 Rock on four separate occasions to host?

Twas a night of oddities, and some of the oddest involved Kutcher in a bad way, and some of the best odd moments didn't involve Kutcher at all. Ready for my recap?

The cold open went with FOX News scare tactics as a premise, and I don't know how many times I have to remind you that when SNL goes political, it's usually more about getting their message across than landing any jokes. Oh. I guess I did have to remind you one more time, then. Kristen Wiig played Greta Van Susteren in Greta's post-Botox era, Bobby Moynihan played Karl Rove for laughs (watch out for the cracks in his forehead, though!), and which audience member thought it'd be a good idea to inject additional politics by clapping at the mention of "Don't ask, don't tell"? Will Forte as Col. Oliver North and Bill Hader as Obama press secretary Robert Gibbs were there, as was Abby Elliott as "Attractive Blond Lady," who was funny because it's true about FOX News, with their cast of hot ladies who are on TV because they're hot ladies willing to agree with FOX News to be on TV. But this was all just a set up to Jason Sudeikis choking up as Glenn Beck, wasn't it? He promised himself he wouldn't cry, because there's no "i" in crying. Oh, and Rove loving lesbians was a good line. Otherwise. Say it, already, Greta! Say the words. Live from New York!

Our monologue from Kutcher was equally hit and miss. For a miss, I'm going to have to go with everything that came out of Kutcher's mouth. And for a hit, I'll go with every non-sequitur bit happening to the side of the stage, from the dog on a surfboard who almost jumped into the audience, to Superman (Forte) ordering a drink from a Stormtrooper bartender before Mark Twain showed up on a mini-motorcycle, and almost even the kid swinging a bat with Jason Sudeikis, and definitely the old lady dance-off. I'd watch almost all of those as actual sketches instead of Kutcher. You want to leave a comment saying SNL hasn't been funny since 197X, and I'll see your comment and raise you a comment saying why are millions of people following Kutcher on Twitter?

What comes next is a bit of a short switcheroo sketch, as a family gathers to hear the last will and testament of a 110-year-old billionaire matriarch. Hader reads the will, and son Moynihan, grandchildren Jenny Slate and Sudeikis get $200 million, a museum gets $600 million, and for the pool boy "Angel" (Kutcher) who had sex with her for her last decade? Full pool privileges, except during the summer and weekends. Did you see where the switcheroo happened? The most important thing I learned during this sketch is that "Stage 5 Chlamydia" is by far the deadliest of the chlamydias. That, and there are racist STDs, including one that Hader didn't want to say, even though Chevy Chase could say it to Richard Pryor's face on SNL 35 years earlier. Progress?

The title card with Don Pardo saying SNL will return Feb. 27, 2010, with Jennifer Lopez as host and musical guest makes me want to say I told you so, but I would never stoop to something like that. So far, I'm chuckling at a few asides, but not the main themes of any sketches. Hmmm.

SNL #35.13 with Jon Hamm, Michael Buble

Jon Hamm hosted one of the best episodes of the 34th season, so why wouldn't he host one of the best this season? Well, er, um, hmmm. As this week's episode of Saturday Night Live got underway, I found myself thinking we were living the exact opposite of the popular saying that it's not about the destination but about enjoying the journey. Wait. What? WTF? Who is reviewing this show anyhow? Some sort of dingleberry? What's a dingleberry? Let's try doing this like a normal person and not some comedy nerd. I'd try that this week, but this week's SNL offered comedy gold for comedy nerds, so maybe next time when Twittertard Ashton Kutcher hosts we can try reviewing this show for people who don't know what words mean. This week is for the rest of us.

The cold open. Oh, SNL. Why do you insist on writing political sketches that are so inside baseball that even baseball players cannot find the humor in it? There were funny things that everyone agreed happened this week, from Apple's overhyped iPad, to President Obama's showdown with Republican Congress members, but what we got was a version of the State of the Union address that took seven minutes before it got to a single joke. Seriously? Seriously. The vast majority of it was about what? As VP Joe Biden (Sudeikis) and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (Kristen Wiig) looked on and said nothing, Obama (Fred Armisen) ranted against Martha Coakley for losing the special U.S. Senate race to fill the late Ted Kennedy’s Massachusetts seat. Also, for some reason a look back at where he was a year ago, he talked about how the Bushes literally left the White House a mess, with dishes piled up and wrappers left on the ground, and an unpaid cable bill. When they cut to Supreme Court Justice Alito shaking his head, this time, I agreed with his decision. But when they’d lost me, Armisen got me interested minutes later by reading individual job listings. I liked this. Just wish it had gotten here quicker. And the random cut to Brendan Fraser’s Golden Globes yippee-yay clappity clap was a nice surprise. But still. Seven minutes for this? It would have been funny at two minutes. Ominous.

Jon Hamm was back for round two, after a spirited hosting effort last year. That was a dream come true, he said: “So honestly, this time it’s just for the paycheck.” He said people connect him so much with Don Draper, they do not realize he had acting roles for years before this. If they had pulled together real clips, this could have been really funny. Instead, they wrote some fake clips for him. Here’s “Late For Class,” a teen show with Andy Samberg, Abby Elliott, and Hamm as Bonzo, who is more like Don Draper. See where this is headed. Or when he did QVC, with Kristen Wiig selling turquoise, and Hamm as, well as a domestic abuser. “I actually had sex with that woman.” Or Def Comedy Jam, smoking a butt with a glass of scotch in his other hand, in which Hamm’s bit is eerily reminiscent of Martin Lawrence’s SNL monologue from 1994 that got him banned. It's one of SNL's 10 most outrageous moments. Again, I liked the ending, but not how they got there.

The second segment opened at an apartment party in NYC from 1928. Kristen Wiig hosts it as Lydia in a voice I feel I’ve heard before but cannot place. The guests include Elliott, Bill Hader, Will Forte, Fred Armisen and Hamm. There’s a piano. They all want Hamm to play a song. Lydia keeps begging no one in particular not to force her to sing. “You’re making me sing?” Except she really does not hit her cues after willing it to happen, and blaming it on Hamm. Is this an allegory for Jay Leno? I’m stretching. Or am I? Oh, don’t make her dance? If this isn’t an allegory for Leno, then it’s most certainly an allegory for every character Wiig plays on SNL. Tell me I'm wrong.

Now we have an SNL Digital Short – ooh! After seeing Landline TV try to take Samberg on this week, I wondered if SNL would respond, and if so, how. I don't know if you'd consider this a response, but they definitely didn't fall into one of the two major categories Landline had accused them of, and went for the weird. Samberg steps out of a limo in a suit and breaks a sacred talisman, and Armisen’s sidewalk squatter curses him. At a business meeting, Samberg is interrupted by a topless Hamm in a ponytail playing the sax. Sergio! I love it. Samberg on a date with Jenny Slate. Sergio! With his therapist, Jason Sudeikis. Sergio! Samberg tries to reverse the curse. And…well…Wiig and Hader are there, but. SERGIO! FTW. Even funnier was how quickly my friends found a pop culture inspiration for Sergio. From The Lost Boys, even.

What's in store for season 3 of The Sarah Silverman Program? @sarahksilverman dishes, + a new trailer

Like I said, Sarah Silverman took part in a conference call this afternoon to talk about season three of The Sarah Silverman Program, which debuts Feb. 4 on Comedy Central -- and also on Logo, the gay and lesbian cable channel that helped fund production costs for the third season.

The first episode, "The Proof is in the Penis," has a more cinematic sweep and tone to it, even if it may set a new record for the number of times the word "penis" is said in 22 minutes -- including one scene in which Silverman screams "I swallowed my penis!" over and over. You'll also find out that Silverman's donning of a mustache at the Emmys might not have been a prank as much as it was a tease. But the look and feel of the third-season debut definitely feels like a movie, and with a sisterly duet thrown in, reminded me of Silverman's movie, Jesus is Magic. The second episode, "The Silverman and the Pillows," written by comedian Chelsea Peretti, also opens with a musical number, and might have some people mistakenly trying to draw a parallel to the Leno/Conan debacle at NBC. That'd be silly, although Silverman said she's on Team Conan.

"I think the first one, 'Proof is in the Penis,' feels really cinematic to me," Silverman told me today. "We haven't been on the air in 14 months." With such a long wait for new episodes, she wanted to return to the air with something big and "special" for the fans. "We weren't on the air in 2009 at all," she said. "You'd think we were The Sopranos or Lost with all of the gaps in production, and not a 21-and-a-half-minute show about fart jokes."

As for the added musical element, Silverman said there's no hard and fast rules about it this season. "It's very uneven," she said. "I think the second episode has three songs. It's just however it works with the story and however we were moved...Usually in the (writers) room, someone will get a snag in their brain. There's an episode where Steve writes a song that becomes famous called 'I'm Glad You Hurt Your Hand.' That just came from me, and Rob Schrab hurt his hand, and I just started singing, (singing) 'I'm glad you hurt your hand. I'm glad you hurt your hand.'"

Oh, snap! Landline TV calls out Andy Samberg and his SNL Digital Shorts in meta-parody

Andy Samberg and his fellow comedians from The Lonely Island made their mark as new Saturday Night Live cast members by reinvigorating the SNL Digital Short for the digital video-sharing age (that's the brand-nonspecific alternative to saying YouTube age, right?). Their "Lazy Sunday" rap earned SNL a new generation of fans via YouTube, and they've since won an Emmy for "Dick in a Box," and their "I'm on a Boat" rap collaboration with T-Pain is up for a Grammy this weekend.

Plenty of people have tried replying or duplicating what they do with their own YouTube videos, but mostly in admiration.

That said, Samberg and his crew have definitely settled into a couple of very comfortable thematic devices that could themselves be ripe for comedy, and the folks at Landline TV have fired a shot across their bow with this one. Roll the clip!

SNL #35.12 with Sigourney Weaver, The Ting Tings

After a full week of NBC-bashing by the various late-night TV talk-show hosts, how would the reigning big daddy of late-night TV comedy handle its own mockery? Not quite the way you'd think, or hope, even when it looked like they might just surprise you with something magically great. Not once. Not twice. Three times this happened on last night's Saturday Night Live. Let's go through the motions...

The cold open imagined an edition of CNN's Larry King Live in which King (Fred Armisen) presides over a summit with Jay Leno (Darrell Hammond), Conan O'Brien (Bill Hader) and via satellite, David Letterman (Jason Sudeikis). Starts out with a funny line by Armisen about himself, quickly fizzles when you think, they brought Hammond back tonight for that impression of Leno? "C'mon. We didn't come here to have fun!" Prophetic. The voices are all over the place. And the jokes are, well, aimed at Larry King? Hammond and Hader are known for some great impersonations, but here, it seemed more about the look than the voice. Sudeikis, meanwhile, had a decent look but was reduced to the throwing-pencils shtick. But this sketch really only works if you forget about what's really happening at NBC and focus on making Larry King look silly. Wait. Maybe that was the point? Oh, also a Carson Daly (Will Forte) reference.

Sigourney Weaver was our host this week, and it's her second time. First time was way back in 1986? Which means we get a look back at the 1980s. Weird but sexy. Yep. That was the '80s. Did you know? Fun fact! Weaver's late father not only used to run NBC, but also created The Tonight Show. How do you like them apples? OK. Maybe not an apt metaphor movie catchphrase, but still. Great timing. So Weaver has something funny or profound or profoundly funny to say about her dad and this current kerfuffle, right? Right? Well. Hmmm. Someone hands her a piece of paper reputed to be the letter her dad wrote pitching the show. Not enough payoff there. Another foul ball. Two swings at the NBC mess, two foul balls.

Now what? A great show? Stick around and we'll be right back. But first. It's Grady Wilson (Kenan Thompson) with another instructional video of his personal love-making techniques. The sexy sex moves sketch moves up early this time around. Sometimes it's the name of the sex position that sells it, sometimes it's trying to figure out how Kenan, or how his partner Marta (Weaver) visualizes the title, and a couple of times, how what the two of them are doing is really supposed to look. How long did it take you to figure out The Brandy Snifter? The Lawnmower?

This is quickly followed by another recurring sketch with adult themes. It's the return of ESPN Classic's classic mustachioed broadcasting duo, Pete Twinkle and Greg Stink (Sudeikis and Forte), this time covering the Summer's Eve Lady Stars of Darts Championship. Featuring Darcy Vancouver (Wiig) and Olga "The Wolf Bear" Bogunskaya (Weaver). Everything the lady dart-throwers do is secondary to the pitter-patter of Sudeikis and Forte. Which, come to think of it, carries a similar writing pattern to last week's movie quote quiz sketch with Charles Barkley answering questions the wrong way. With another recurring idea, which is how many funny slogans can Sudeikis deliver for the sponsor, Summer's Eve...douche. (Childhood flashback for "old" people to Eddie Murphy's Brut, by Faberge)

Now we do have a commercial break? Nope.

SNL #35.11 with Sir Charles Barkley, Alicia Keys

Would you like to play a game? And I don't mean global thermonuclear war. I mean, how'd you like to guess a few things that happened last night on Saturday Night Live? Such as...how many SNL writers who aren't part of the on-air cast got to appear either live or superimposed on graphics last night? How many sketches either started or ended not when they should have? Or, better yet, how many people in the Eastern and Central time zones missed a half-hour of the show because they weren't home and depended upon their DVRs and/or TiVos to record it? Heck. Why ask all of those questions. How 'bout them Cowboys? Thank goodness their dismantling of the Eagles took so long, because that, plus the late-night news (in NYC, Darlene Rodriguez wore her J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets green, didn't she?) pushed the start of SNL past midnight. But, oh, if that were the only mishap. It was a mess. Sometimes quite a fun mess, though. Just like Sir Charles Barkley himself, who I previously have seen in the wilds of Arizona nightclubs when I was a newspaper reporter there. Let's get to the recap!

We start with one of our colder cold opens, as Wolf Blitzer (Jason Sudeikis) is in CNN's Situation Room, but that's not even what the sketch is about, so why, really, if only to hear Sudeikis mock Blitzer. I guess that's why. But we cut to a press conference in Yemen with Gen. David Petraeus (Will Forte) and Yemen's president/premier (Fred Armisen) with reporters played by Nasim Pedrad and Bill Hader. Can we just skip ahead to the monologue?

So in the monologue, Sir Charles got real with the audience. Good thing the audience consisted of SNL's writing staff, because I'd much rather hear John Lutz, Jessi Klein and Hannibal Buress interact with Barkley! He also forced Kenan Thompson to do his Barkley impersonation, which got that out of the way and let us know that wouldn't be in an actual sketch. He really made good though, by saying that “some of the show is great,” and “some of the show we’re going to do anyway” but at least Alicia Keys will be great. Man. This guy does speak the truth!

We follow with what appears to be a fake ad with Sudeikis, Kristen Wiig, Pedrad and Abby Elliott (voiced by Hader). It's for Thomas Peepers Insurance. Wait. What's this? It's still rolling? Turns out this isn't one of those fake ads at all, but a lengthy clever short. Or not. Hey. What's going on here?

The game show Reel Quotes could be the best thing ever, the worst thing ever, or perhaps both at the same time. Hosted by Hader (Red Farvey?). Contestants video store owner Barkley, housewife Wiig. Is this bit meta? You see we had a failure to communicate, and then the skit is a failure in communication. “You’re going to need a bigger shark bag” is funny. And you can handle my privates, so long as you ask nicely.

SNL #35.10 with James Franco, Muse and a dancing Mike Tyson

It's the most wonderful time of the year for Saturday Night Live, or so you might think. End of the calendar year. Christmas on the brains. The combination sometimes makes for some comedy magic. I remember a few years ago, attending a friend of a friend's Christmas party, when everyone was socializing in the kitchen, and I ambled into the living room where what did my wandering eyes see next to the Christmas tree but a TV tuned into SNL and Justin Timberlake with Andy Samberg singing what's now an award-winning comedy tune about giving their loves a "Dick in a Box." What do we get this year?

For one thing, we don't open cold on a lackluster political bit. Hooray! No one wants to hear what you think is funny about health-care, anyhow, no matter how nice it was that SNL alum, Sen. Al Franken, shut up Sen. Joe Lieberman on the Senate floor the other day. Instead, it's another episode of "The Lawrence Welk Show," with Fred Armisen as Welk hosting among not-so tiny bubbles. Tank you, tank you, tank you. Is that really a joke about ladies and fingers to open the show? Oh my. James Franco plays some guy named Rico to sing a song, but it's all about the sister act that always switches out all of its sisters, save for Judice (Kristen Wiig, with her big forehead and tiny hands!). Judice? Is that even a thing? I thought her name was Denise? Did the Meryl Sisters switch so many sisters (Amy Poehler, Casey Wilson, Michaela Watkins and Anne Hathaway have been there, done that) that to join Abby Elliott, Jenny Slate and Nasim Pedrad, she needed a new identity? Look into it, comedy nerds! Of all of her wacked-out characters, this might be the easiest of Wiig's to digest on a recurring basis. It's between her and Target lady. Am I right? Look into it, comedy nerds! So much homework for you kids...

James Franco looks like he is so high reading his monologue. Comedy nerds do not need to look into this. Nice of him to make fun of him falling asleep during college classes, his current turn on "General Hospital" and plugging a fake movie. I could use a spinning bin filled with ideas from fans on career advice for me for 2010. Does one of them say: Get paid to make SNL better? Perfect!

Oooh. BET's "What Up With That?" is back for a third time, and this time, in the first half-hour? With guests Mike Tyson, Jack McBrayer and Lindsay Buckingham (Bill Hader). Tonight's version is even more UCB Del Close Marathonesque than usual, because this is exactly the type of comedy event that happens in the chaos of the Del Close Marathon with Jack McBrayer sitting in the middle of it, smiling and wondering what's happening all around him. The addition of the kids dressed up like Kenan Thompson is the nuts! You know what, though? Not enough dancing from Mike Tyson and Jason Sudeikis. You know what could fix that? If NBC put up the dress rehearsal version of this sketch. Done? Done! YAY! As before, Slate and Pedrad are backup singer/dancers, Armisen is not playing the sax, Will Forte is introducing the proceedings. No need for the mid-scene interlude from Wiig and Franco, really. Whatevs. In the dress, John Stockton's (Andy Samberg) drumline also actually knows how to drum. Who knew? Dress rehearsal FTW. Roll the dress rehearsal!

SNL #35.9 with Taylor Lautner, Bon Jovi

Last week was great, wasn't it? Why are you starting like that? Trying to lower our expectations are you? Although, for the second week in a row, Kristen Wiig isn't so much front and center, giving the other ladies a chance to shine. Interesting development, don't you think? Alrighty then...

For our cold open, C-SPAN brings us Gov. Mar Sanford (R-SC) plus former Sen. John Edwards and some other politician from Nevada that I've never heard of, talking about how Tiger Woods and his scandal has overshadowed all of the infidelity these three politicians have engaged in -- which is more serious, as they remind us. Edwards had a love child! He'll say it again! And again! It's one of those political sketches that's as much about making a serious point as it is about getting laughs. Speaking of which: The discussion on A-Rod gets a bonus point.

Taylor Lautner is our host, and as one of my friends on Twitter pointed out, how would the third lead on a sequel to a movie I don't care about do as SNL host? That's right. Not RPattz (that's a person) nor Kristen LipBiter. It's Taylor Lautner , and he sure tried, even more than that other kid did, to show how athletic he is, jumping around and after missing a dropkick on a cardboard cutout of Kanye West, karate-chopped him out of the picture. Kudos for the dedication to athleticism, After all, he's only 17. 17! And the recasting of Kenan Thompson as Reba McIntire deserves some mention. So there that is! As monologues go, this one was tightly wrapped up in a bow. I'd forgotten (as perhaps you had) that Lautner was part of that MTV moment between Swift and West, so this was a nice way to deal with all of that.

We encounter the University of Oregon, taping their Rose Bowl bios, and well, before we can congratulate Thompson on his quick-change to make this sketch, there's a more pressing need, to figure out how Phil Pomeroy (Lautner), the backup to the backup QB, has a role here. Jenny Slate makes her first appearance of several this episode (YAY!). Bill Hader is there to help, presumably. You know how football telecasts have players look into the camera when they announce the starting lineups? Weird, right? That's the premise for this sketch. It has promise. It surely does. Please, don't call me surely. Because then someone might break into song for no reason. Andy Samberg shows up. "It's going to be a long day." Let's hope that's not foreshadowing!

SNL #35.8 with Blake Lively, Rihanna

I had my hopes up this weekend, not because Saturday Night Live featured two of the hottest young talents around (normally, that spells a formula for disaster rather than high comedy), but because, well, I don't know. That's not true. We saw such crazy real-life antics play out over the Thanksgiving break, plus the cast & crew that I know publicly acknowledged anticipating the broadcast, so perhaps they were ready to deliver a winner?

Of course, SNL opened with politics and before you get your panties up in a bunch about Fred Armisen's impersonation of President Barack Obama, know that this cold open wasn't even about him. It was about the Salahis, the D.C.-area White House party crashers who we all know we'll have to deal with on our TVs in 2010 as part of Bravo's "Real Housewives of D.C." SNL's take wisely played out mostly silently behind Obama as he tried to deliver a speech with the couple (Bobby Moynihan and Kristen Wiig, weirdly using some of her mannerisms for Kathie Lee Gifford in her miming to a Secret Service agent) conning the Secret Service (Bill Hader, Will Forte, Nasim Pedrad) and Vice President Joe Biden (Jason Sudeikis) into posing for snapshots. It helps if you focus as little as possible on whatever Armisen's Obama is saying. BTW, they had a couple of live ones in the audience tonight, didn't they? You can hear some big laughers on the microphones. Hot mics!

Now, don't feel bad if you don't know who guest host Blake Lively is because if you're not in her sisterhood of traveling blue jeans, nor watch "Gossip Girl," then you wouldn't know her. But as she walks out for her monologue, you get caught up pretty quickly. She's young, blonde and has a magically gravity-defying chest. Now. OK. The cast appears as the Muppets. Some think this is playing off of a recent new video of the Muppets singing Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody." And while that is brilliant, I'm reminded more of John Denver and the Muppets, who created one of the best Christmas specials ever. Still. Ever! With Andy Samberg as the Swedish chef, Sudeikis as Fozzie Bear, Moynihan as Gonzo, Hader as Animal, Wiig as Beaker, and Jenny Slate as Janice and Fred Armisen as Zoot, they kick off the holiday season with a carol. Maybe won't get circulated as much as the actual Muppet video, but a worthy effort.

They replayed last month's "Carters N Sons BBQ" fake ad that poked fun at a "swine fever" ad campaign. Eh. I'm not usually a fan of when the show repeats fake ads, but I see why they do it sometimes. Swine fever is still timely. Plus, who knows. Maybe they had a new video air during dress rehearsal that didn't quite make the cut, and they needed to sub this in. Why am I making excuses for you kids?!

SNL #35.7 with Joseph Gordon-Levitt, DMB, Al Gore and a Mindy Kaling cameo

And we're back. When you have a show that most everyone agrees is a bit of a bummer, it's good to have another crack at it right away. So let's get to it, SNL! But first. Let's play a game. Here's a sketch from dress rehearsal that didn't make it into the actual broadcast -- watch host Joseph Gordon-Levitt with country music legends Clancy T. Bachleratt (Will Forte) and Jackie Snad (Kristen Wiig), then try to figure out where and when this should've aired instead of something that did. Spaceships, toddler, model T cars and jars of beer! Ready, set, watch!

I would've cut it by a minute and found room for it. How about you?

We open cold with a C-SPAN broadcast from China of President Barack Obama (Fred Armisen) with Chinese President Hu Jintao (Will Forte?!?), and Nasim Pedrad is standing by as the translator. OK, this is weird. Did you know that we owe China $800 billion? Suddenly I feel less worrisome about being in debt myself. This is more funny scary than funny funny. Look at us, we're learning about the world through comedy! Plus, if you thought SNL liked to use gay sex as an easy joke, this at least gave it a bit of a twist. Right? Don't worry. I'm told the show gets much better after this.

And now a word from our host, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who started out in TV comedy as a kid on 3rd Rock From The Sun. I'm not sure why he's hosting now, but you and I might expect he'll be up to the task tonight. He sings "Make 'Em Laugh" for his monologue, and gets a slapstick assist from Bobby Moynihan. He's working hard early for you people! If nothing else, he and the show are out to prove that they mean business this week. Sorry about last week. We're back, people! We'll flip over backward for you.

SNL gets into the parody movie trailer mashup business with Palin 2012. It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine. Palin/Beck 2012!?

SNL #35.6 with January Jones, Black Eyed Peas (VIDEOS)

If you go by what the Internets were saying in real-time overnight, then last night's Saturday Night Live was a stinker. Of course, this all happens the one week I decide go to Los Angeles and don't park myself in front of a television. They know I'll still find out what happens on SNL, right? I'm still not sure exactly what happened when January Jones hosted with musical guest Black Eyed Peas, nor when, but I do know that these videos have shown up on the Internets. And the video evidence tells a slightly different story, unless I find out that these videos are from dress rehearsal, or that the real stinkfest came from the Black Eyed Peas, and not from the show itself. Suspense! While we wait for the truth to set us free, let's take a look at the evidence before us...

We're seeing less and less of Fred Armisen's Barack Obama impersonation, and tonight's show opened with Jason Sudeikis' Joe Biden instead, taking over the White House since President Obama headed to Asia on a diplomatic trip. Biden is supposed to be crazy honest, but was this version crazy honest funny?

January Jones has trouble reading off of her cue cards during her opening monologue. Sudeikis, Armisen and Bill Hadar play superfans of Mad Men called Mad Mennies. It's like that sketch from the 1980s when William Shatner took on the Trekkies, only not so much. Bonus points, though, for having Armisen pick Peggy (played by his real-life newlywed wife, Elisabeth Moss, over Jones' Betty Draper). Do we subtract points, however, for Sudeikis calling Betty Betsy? Oh, double bonus points for Abby Elliott as Joan Holloway (though subtract a point, perhaps, for making us think for a second that Christina Hendricks might've been making that cameo?). Math is hard. TWSS.

What else? Did you say you wanted fart jokes? Fart jokes? We got those...

Recapping SNL #35.5 with Taylor Swift

Whenever someone young hosts Saturday Night Live, I wonder if the show's sense of humor is going to get shaken up to appeal to the host's demographic. Of course, every host has an influence on what sketches make it to air. And 19-year-old Taylor Swift is a hard person to dislike -- has been ever since she serenaded Tim McGraw at an awards show with the song she named for him. Swift is talented and endearing. What would she do with her turn as both SNL's host and musical guest? Let's get to recapping!

Our COLD OPEN goes to FOX News Channel's Election Night coverage, with Kristen Wiig anchoring the anchor desk as the Botoxed Greta slurring words out of the corner of her mouth, Bill Hader as Shep Smith, Will Forte as Brit Hume, Kenan Thompson as Juan Williams, and Bobby Moynihan as Karl Rove. With Fred Armisen as the overlooked Democrat, Joe Trippi. Hader gave Shep some sass. But Jason Sudeikis as Glenn Beck is sublime and ridiculous. And Wiig may not be a ventriloquist, but did you see how her lips moved? Nice. Ended the sketch just in time.

TAYLOR SWIFT'S MONOLOGUE: Swift jokes about being just a kid, and how when she gets emotional, she writes a song. Would you like to hear it? La. La. La. Hahaha, Joe Jonas. "We have a great show. Kanye West is not here." Did you see what I meant about Swift being talented and endearing?

FAKE AD: Carter 'N Sons just wanted to get people excited about their pulled pork BBQ, so why not tell your customers they're going to come down with a severe case of "Swine Fever!" Oh, right. Did I mention that the introduction to our fake ad, and ensuing credits, note that this ad was produced in 2002 before the swine flu outbreak. So no worries when Moynihan's BBQ pitmaster sells Armisen on it, same with Nasim Pedrad, and Andy Samberg, and even Sudeikis in an Elvis impersonator get-up. Why 2002, you ask? Probably because Moynihan also was pushing the Sausage and Ribs Sampler. SARS!

SNL #35.4 with Gerard Butler, Shakira

Who's ready for a two-week vacation? Raise your hands, everybody! Some critics expect the SNL staff to have all of their funny material ready to go after a vacation because they've rested up, but that's not how it works in real life. You get back from vacation and the first day you're loaded up with junk, emails, phone calls and just getting your bearings, and before you know it, you're behind the rest of the week, playing catch up. Whereas the week heading into a vacation, you're looking forward to it and sometimes you do things you wouldn't normally do, just because, well, vacation is coming!

The Rock Obama. Whomever had the bright idea to bring Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson back for a cameo to enliven SNL's Barack Obama sketches, thank you. Fred Armisen is immensely talented and funny, but his Obama sketches have mostly fallen flat (generating news is not the same as generating actual laughs). And when you have someone who, like Obama, actually is half-black and spent part of his childhood in Hawaii, along with ability to make Obama campy (thank his background from pro rassling for that). Nasim Pedrad played the president's assistant. Bill Hader, Will Forte and Jenny Slate played his Senate foils, while Jason Sudeikis as VP Joe Biden arrived just in time to save Slate's Olympia Snowe from The Rock's Hulk tantrum.

Gerard Butler is the host? Oh, right. Butler began with a nod to last week's monologue from Drew Barrymore, saying that he's the first Scotsman to host SNL, then reminded us that he sang in the film version of Phantom of the Opera -- all the while fighting off ancient attackers, a la 300. The studio audience seemed to enjoy it more when Kristen Wiig showed up at the end to sing with Butler.

Fake ad! Kenan Thompson plays Fuquay Satin, maker of fine urban champagnes, such as his newest creation, Grand Hoochie Skank Rose, especially designed to pour down a woman's ass. Because that's what hip-hoppers do, and they must be mocked for it.

Budweiser paid to be the sole sponsor, as Sudeikis tells us to open the first commercial break, but on the upside, he says we'll also get to see rare footage from dress rehearsals past, such as "Riding My Donkey Political Talk Show" from Feb. 14, 1998 -- with Will Ferrell, Ana Gasteyer, Darrell Hammond and Tim Meadows cracking up on donkeys.

SNL #35.3 with Drew Barrymore, Regina Spektor

How can a comedy show manage to be intriguing and also vaguely disappointing? Let's find out, shall we? Drew Barrymore celebrated her sixth time hosting Saturday Night Live, more than any other woman, as she told the audience last night. And yet, or perhaps, because of that fact, we had ourselves a more indulgent show -- for it has been said that the guest hosts can have enough influence to shape what gets in and stays off the air, and Barrymore certainly felt like she knew what she wanted to do this time around. Would it be funny?

Well. Can we just pretend the cold open didn't happen? When President Barack Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize on a Friday, SNL had a day and a half to slap something together. Which they did. They slapped something together. It will not win a Nobel, nor an Emmy. Nor more commentary from me. Congrats:

Drew Barrymore's monologue, however, deserves a few words. Still difficult to comprehend that SNL (not the Lorne Michaels edition) actually invited Barrymore to host the show in 1982 when she was only 7! But, still, also, props to her for doing this six times. Furthermore, nice of her to include most of the cast in a bit about her ancestors and their rich tradition of stage acting. The bit -- having them mimic Drew's mannerisms -- is cute, but not quite as over-the-top as the sketch that sent Christopher Walken to his family reunion. Didn't Abby Elliott already have a Barrymore impersonation in her arsenal? Yes. Yes, she did. Also: Kristen Wiig as Ethel, Bill Hader as cousin Vincent Price Malkovich Barrymore, Andy Samberg, Kenan Thompson. Present but not mimicking: Bobby Moynihan, Nasim Pedrad and Jenny Slate.

OK. Now what? Gilly. Wait. Who asked for Gilly?

SNL #35.2 with Ryan Reynolds, Lady Gaga and more!

How would Saturday Night Live deal with the hubbub and extra attention over the ending of last week's debut? Did you guess ignoring it completely? Did you also guess not letting Jenny Slate say a single word? Slate did appear in one live sketch and one SNL Digital Short, but otherwise, it was full speed ahead. In fact, this week's show offered plenty of its own pleasant surprises. Yes, much better! How much? Well...

Kristen Wiig showed she could be funny without being cliche crazy. Ryan Reynolds showed he could be funny as a supporting player. Lady Gaga proved herself a trooper in two live sketches, one of them also featuring another lady who makes people go ga-ga for her. Now that would have been an afterparty!

By the way, Weekend Update Thursday was much shrewder this past week -- decided to stick to the desk and not completely cannibalize the main Saturday edition by doing too much. Although plenty of opportunities for the cast to shine in celebrity impersonations. Among them: Whoopi Goldberg (Kenan Thompson) and Joy Behar (Fred Armisen) to expand upon Whoopi's awkward defense of Roman Polanski; Jason Sudeikis as a pilot colleague of Capt. "Sully." Suze Orman (Kristen Wiig); John Malkovich (Bill Hader) and Dennis Franz (Darrell Hammond), with Maya Rudolph also returning to appear as Oprah, talking up Chicago's Olympic bid and down on Rio; and Hall and Oates (Will Forte and Armisen) to sing about health care. Now, as for Saturday...

For our cold open, Fred Armisen's diminishing returns on President Barack Obama resulted in a speech about Obama's work performance that managed to echo his impersonation: "almost a year and not much to show for it." It was a sketch that played well to politicos and cable news folk, and proved that SNL is willing to make fun of Obama. But the show got much better from here. How much? Well...

Ryan Reynolds hosted. He's got comedy chops and we know he knows how to use them. The monologue compared his two summer movies (Wolverine and The Proposal), mining the comparisons for laughs. "If there's one thing that kids love, it's lanterns," he said, and after a pause, pointed into the audience. "That guy knows what I'm talking about."

SNL's 35th F-ing season debut with Megan Fox, U2

Sometimes, you see a date on the calendar and get excited about it. For me, on a personal note, Saturday night was my birthday. For Jenny Slate, it was her debut on NBC's Saturday Night Live. Neither of us ended up with the night we quite expected or dreamed it would be, but we both had a night to remember; Slate, a little more so.

For the record: I counted 61 mentions of frickin', frick, frig, friggin, freaking and f*ck in the sketch "Biker Chick Chat" that aired live at 12:42 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time on Sunday, Sept. 27, 2009. Jenny Slate wrote the sketch herself. It went completely fine during the dress rehearsal earlier Saturday night. There was no conspiracy. It was a slip of the tongue, pure and simple. Well, in as much as saying f*ck on live TV can be considered pure. Slate misfired on the 12th utterance of the profanity (so for you numbers fans, it wasn't unlucky number 13, but the dirty dozen that did her in), and after visibly catching her breath, she, Kristen Wiig and host Megan Fox continued with the talk-show sketch through its conclusion. SNL's head writer, Seth Meyers, also hugged Slate right behind Fox during the good-night thanks segment, and that pic is shown on NBC's own site so we can see the public sign of solidarity.

Within minutes (nay seconds, thanks to Twitter), the Internet was abuzz about Slate's slip, and multiple videos of the sketch appeared on the YouTubes. Rachel Sklar at Mediaite compiled more than a few of them and also noted the coincidence that U2's Bono was on the show (he had faced FCC complaints after he had dropped an F-bomb during a live awards show years ago). And in NYC, it was only just a few days ago it seems (because it was) that local FOX anchor Ernie Anastos misspoke during a live TV promo telling his co-worker to "Keep f*cking that chicken." He apologized and the world moved on. Slate should be fine, too.

Of course, the fact that that's what we're talking about and not Megan Fox or the show itself means that Slate's accident makes her debut a truly breakout performance. Because, let's face facts. The 35th season premiere of SNL otherwise was not going down in the record books as one of its best. But let's rewind back to 11:30 p.m. and get to a recap!

A word or two or more about SNL's Weekend Update Thursday #2.2

Everyone is gearing up for the official 35th season of Saturday Night Live, so let's use last night's Weekend Update Thursday as a chance to warm-up with a mini-recap.

Instead of a full-bore critique, just some initial thoughts. It's still beyond weird to hear anyone say "Live from New York, it's Saturday night!" when it's clearly Thursday. This must be so they can use the cold opens in repeats? Or merely stuck on tradition? Regardless, Fred Armisen's Barack Obama is starting to slip into original SNL territory, you know, back when Chevy Chase played Gerald Ford as someone who looked remarkably like Chevy Chase, or Dan Aykroyd's mustachioed Jimmy Carter. Their take on Obama's Sunday press run was funny enough, heightening the scene by expanding out to a full press junket for cable channels -- Kenan Thompson as ESPN's Stuart Scott (got the inane product-placement and patter down pat), newcomer Nasim Pedrad checked in as Kathy Griffin (kudos on nailing her debut, although odd that the hair people didn't go for a bolder red?), Jason Sudeikis as Glenn Beck was devastatingly hilarious, Kristin Cavallari is probably thrilled to be portrayed by Abby Elliott, as is Guy Fieri by Bobby Moynihan. Andy Samberg still plays young enough to be a teen-aged vampire. And Bill Hader's Keith Morrison makes me laugh every time. As for the Update desk, Seth Meyers tripped over one line, but completely sold the punch on a burrito joke with his shy downward look. Amy Poehler played Rosie Perez as a 911 dispatcher? Sure, why not. What else?

Armisen is much more effective and edgy playing embattled (and legally blind) New York Gov. David Paterson, who still loves to put down New Jersey. Darrell Hammond is back as Bill Clinton! And as you can see below, Megan Fox made a cameo, too! You can watch the whole thing right here, right now...

Brett Gelman's VH1 ad with Paula Abdul funnier than anything during MTV's VMAs

MTV asked British comedian Russell Brand to host the channel's Video Music Awards for a second straight year, but watching the show broadcast last night from NYC's Radio City Music Hall, you may have wondered why. Seriously. Why? Brand caused enough of a stir in 2008, I suppose, to earn his return. But his monologue and later quips this time around sounded more like the ramblings of a scatterbrained pervert (which, well, he has acknowledged his sex addiction publicly, again and again and again) than anything resembling a punchline. When he lovingly introduced Jimmy Fallon (with Andy Samberg), I thought about how Fallon had hosted an MTV shindig before and might have been a better choice for all parties concerned. Fallon and Samberg covering Boyz II Men was amusing, yes; Beyonce singing along, even more so. (And yes, we noticed how the Internets quickly mashed up Kanye West's VMA heckler routine with Obama's speech)

But this ad for this week's upcoming VH1 Divas, featuring comedian Brett Gelman as an agent for Paula Abdul, was funnier than anything that aired during the actual VMAs. Seacrest, out?

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Paul Rust at the 2009 MTV Movie Awards

While everyone was talking about Sacha Baron Cohen and Eminem after the 2009 MTV Movie Awards, I wanted to make sure you didn't miss this other moment, which gave comedian Paul Rust one last chance to shine in semi-anonymity. Rust will star in this summer's romantic comedy I Love You, Beth Cooper (out July 10), and also plays one of Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds (out Aug. 21). But for one minute live on MTV Sunday night, Rust could portray winning sound editor Carl Berman, who was so happy to get his Golden Popcorn that he humped, in glorious triumph, as long as he could.

So, here's the official trailer for I Love You, Beth Cooper, which stars Rust as the nerdy high-school valedictorian who publicly professes his love for the popular girl (Hayden Panettiere) in his graduation speech:

SNL #34 season finale with Will Ferrell, Green Day

The 34th season of Saturday Night Live certainly brought a lot of buzz and attention back to the show, and Lorne Michaels and company celebrated the end of that year with a bang that included plenty of starpower and nostalgia, plus a heavily implied farewell to Darrell Hammond, who completed his record thirteenth season as a cast member by returning for multiple sketches. We got to see Hammond reprise Dick Cheney and Sean Connery one last time on the show, and it's only surprising that we didn't get to also see him pull out his Donald Trump as well -- considering how much Trump was in the news with a certain Miss California (who could have been played by newbie Abby Elliott). But with star and SNL veteran Will Ferrell hosting, we saw just how much Ferrell mattered to the show earlier this decade, as he dominated the finale's proceedings from beginning to end. Even with all of the celebrity cameos and returning SNLers. Did I mention them yet? OK. We saw (take a deep breath now): Tom Hanks, Norm MacDonald, Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph, Anne Hathaway, Paul Rudd, Elisabeth Moss and Artie Lange. With all of this happening, the current cast had much less on their plates to worry about. Good? Bad? It'll almost all make sense soon enough.

But first, a cold open from an NBC studio, and in the makeup chair getting ready for Meet the Press is one disgraced newly former VP Dick Cheney (Hammond), with Abby Elliott playing the makeup specialist. Ferrell shows up as his now Tony-nominated caricature of George W. Bush, trying to surprise Cheney and confront him about his newfound desire for media attention. Surprise fails because W. whispers too loudly: "That is one of the many reason I am no friend to libraries." Zing. We get it. They also poke fun at the current administration when W. asks why Cheney couldn't have been more like VP Joe Biden, going out for burgers and saying dumb things in public to make him look smarter. W. implies he has been watching a lot of Dr. Phil with his free time this spring. An OK, utterly predictable sketch, held together by the performances of the leads.

Ferrell's monologue attempts to re-establish his cred as a dramatic actor with roots in the theater, also with predictably disastrous results. Again, it's only Ferrell's sheer persistence that sells it. "Line?"

Talk about nostalgia. Our ad spoof for the night goes deep into the vault (Season/episode #26.11) for an oldie in which Ferrell sells his services as Wade Blasingame, Esq., attorney at law. Blasingame has sued more than 2,000 dogs. Because would you let a human do the things dogs get away with every day? Chris Parnell simulates the dog in scenes with Hammond, Maya Rudolph, Rachel Dratch, Tracy Morgan and Horatio Sanz. If you want to look for such things, you might even notice that the way Ferrell, in particular, delivers his lines can suggest that SNL knew how to deliver lines awkwardly before a certain Tim & Eric came along (instead of the other way around). Anyhow.