A lot of people have arrived here this week via Google searches for "The Mellow Show" on Saturday Night Live, with variations for Ashton Kutcher as John Mayer, and other appropriate search terms. NBC didn't release video of this online, and still hadn't as I typed this, so I'll do the appropriate thing (the inappropriate thing would be to upload a video without copyright) and give you the full play-by-play recap of the sketch.
We open with acoustic guitar strumming, a logo for "The Mellow Show" and a voiceover announcing your host, Jack Johnson (played by Andy Samberg.) Samberg plays guitar and sings, "Super mellow show, tune in if you like, no pressure, whatever, it's like walking on the beach...yeah." Samberg has his fro covered with a short hairdo, maroon T-shirt over tan long sleeves, and frattish necklace. Frattish. Yeah, that's a word.
"Hi, I'm laid-back singer/songwriter Jack Johnson," Samberg says. "Hacky-sack!" (audience laughs) "And welcome to The Mellow Show. As always, we're coming to you from our modest thatch hut on the shores of sunny Oahu. Mahalo!" (laughter) "Returning viewers may notice the absence of my good friend, Shasta, the golden retriever with a handkerchief. Sadly, Shasta was taken away this week (he holds framed photo of the dog). Seems that things got so casual around here that I forgot to feed him." (titters) "Gross negligence!" (laughs) "My first guest knows how to tickle the guitar strings with the best of them, all while keeping his shoes decidedly off. Please welcome Dave Matthews." (applause)
Bill Hader jogs on the set as Dave Matthews, fake strumming his guitar and doing a jig. (laughs and applause)
Hader: "Hello, everybody. Hi, Jack."
They exchange rapid-fire volleys of "Hi." (laughs)
Johnson (Samberg) asks Matthews (Hader) how he likes to keep it mellow. He mentions Patagonia fleeces, unpronounceable teas and hiking a mountain even he cannot pronounce, and mellow drives in his "convertible woody," followed by singing with funny face: "It's got central heating, and I'm alright!" (big laughs)
Johnson says that all sounds mellow enough. "Yeah, but mostly I just smoke weed," Matthews replies. (more laughs) "Yes, that goes without saying," Johnson. "Any new jams?"
Matthews: "This one's called snickerdoodle cookies." He proceeds to sing, upbeat tone "I got a snickerdoodle cookie-ie,ie,ie,ie,ie,ie,ie..." as his DMB violinist (played by Kenan Thompson) emerges on scene to accompany him for repeat verse. It sounds as if Dave Matthews had written an Adam Sandler song, complete with Matthews closing of "Pretty Ba-by!" (full applause break)
Johnson: "Wow. I have to say that was an unfussy groove. And how nice of your super-weird violinist to join us. You know who would've really enjoyed this? My parakeet with a puka-shell necklace, Captain Pokey. (holds up framed photo of bird with timeline 2008-2008) Sadly he is no longer with us." (laughter) "Turns out I also forgot to feed him and the doctor said he came down with a case of extreme mellowness." Samberg as Johnson ends most sentences like this one with a big goofy mouth-closed grin. He then welcomes the next "troubadour," John Mayer.
Mayer (played by Ashton Kutcher) walks on with a guitar, though he's repeatedly patting his chest with his right hand. They got the hair right, at least.
Hi's all around, followed by an awkward harmony: "Introducing ourselvesssss." Uh. OK.
Johnson asks Mayer to describe his typical mellow day. Mayer replies, first he meets with record executives, then checks his stock portfolio, followed by multitasking. "That does not sound so mellow," Johnson replies. Fortunately, Mayer says he also smokes weed. Phew. That was a close one. (Get it?) Johnson's running animal death joke continues with his pet iguana (cue the framed photo, which gets a laugh mostly for having the iguana wear a Gore-Tex vest).
Mayer (Kutcher) then stands and graces us with a song, borrowing the "Waitin on the World to Change" riff: "Me and all my friends/We're so misunderstood/We kick back and smoke a bowl/Until we all feel good." Guitar solo. Kutcher attempts to make the Mayer face. (laughter, followed by applause break)
Johnson: "Thank you, John. Your expressions really bum me out."
Time to close the show, with a shout-out to the sponsor, J.J. Casuals, a company that makes shoes that look like feet.
One final line and we're out.